In the heat of the moment you were so upset, you couldn’t even hear the words they were saying. It always happens so fast, like a whirlwind, a tornado of tears, half sentences, and “whys.” You must have asked why a thousand times. You heard the words coming from their mouth, but couldn’t understand what they meant. Those words were like icicles, stabbing you right in the heart.
When you look back on those moments later, you know they said things like “It’s just not working out” or “I need to focus on myself,” but those don’t even make any sense. You can’t stop thinking about all the questions that were left unanswered.
How can someone just change their mind like that? Why don’t they want to be with me? Why won’t they try? Why won’t they tell me the truth? Why is this happening? Why?
Then what you’ll do is start to blame yourself. You’ll tell yourself that the reason why is because of every little thing you did wrong. You’ll tell yourself this is all your fault. It’s because you were too clingy or because you asked too much of them. It’s because you moved too fast and didn’t respect their boundaries. It’s because you tried too hard instead of playing it cool.
It’s you, it’s always you.
Except it’s not.
Stop. This kind of thinking will only eat you alive. It will be the only thing you will think of at night. The first thing you will think of when you wake up. It will creep up on you like spiders on your skin. It will consume you and destroy any shred of happiness you have left. If you constantly wonder why, you will never see the light that is ahead.
That is not a life you want to live. And chances are you, will never get a clear answer, especially not the one you want to hear. If they gave you an excuse that sounds like it was plucked from a trashy RomCom, it’s probably because they just don’t care.
They didn’t love you as much as you loved them. They didn’t have as much to lose as you did. And I know that hurts and I’m sorry I had to say it but that’s why you have to stop asking yourself why.
The ‘why’ is not something that will help you. The why will only destroy you more. The why is sinister, it is selfish. It’s exactly why they couldn’t bring themselves to say it to you. So now you have to stop thinking about why and instead think about how. How you’re going to move on. How you’re going to start over new. How you’ll find someone that will never make you wonder why again.