The other night I had that moment. That moment when you realize you are definitely the least attractive friend in the group. After opting out of blowdrying my hair or bothering to wash my pants before work one night, I went out after with one of my female coworkers who is an actress/model type to meet another actress/model type who apparently both had an attractive actor/model type guy waiting for them at the bar that we met at. So I’m wearing my work pants with a sad attempt at adding heels and I’m trying to embrace my naturally curly hair and I’m just feeling really, like…fucking ugly.
I’ve always been a “pretty” girl, not a gorgeous girl, not rail thin, etc. I have naturally curly hair that I have forcibly straightened nearly every day of my life since elementary school… but, I have never had to deal with a large amount of “bullying” have not had a hard time finding guys who were interested in me, just a normal pretty girl who tried to take care of herself. I have certainly dealt with my own insecurities, as we all do, I’ve struggled with eating habits that some would call disorders, I have never gotten over the work out “hump” that hot girls seem to get over to in order get their asses to appear cellulite free and not mind being seen trotting up a canyon in a sports bra.
The girls I was out with this night are great. They’re unique looking, they’re thin, and I’ve seen them eat numerous bowls of pasta that have brought tears to me eyes. (One of them has a wheat allergy which really pisses me off because like, why didn’t I get the fucking wheat allergy?) I’ve seen them eat multiple Mcdonalds meals in one drunk sitting in the backseat of my car and wake up to go to a casting for their asses. Literally.
So we’re drinking and both of them are pretty hands-on with these guys, I’m looking at them and I’m thinking “wow, I have really never felt like THIS much of a fifth wheel.” I usually don’t care if I’m the odd one out, I can usually have a few drinks, talk to some strangers and head home to my dog and my huluplus account, but this, was kind of different. I guess the other wheels aren’t usually all attractive.
We all get this feeling…right? What do we do? Do we find company that makes us appear and feel more attractive? Do we change things about ourselves to make us feel this way? Do we all move out of LA back to our mid country states where we’re definitely the hottest one in the bar?
Some girls could want to slap me and say “I’ve been living in this moment my whole life!”, “You have no idea what it’s like!” etc, etc. But the truth is that it doesn’t matter. When you feel that way it feels really really terrible. I mean here I was walking to get 2 a.m. tacos behind these two gorgeous girls holding hands with these guys and maybe it was just for the night, but you know what? I bet when they woke up and looked in the mirror they’re mussed up hair made them smile and not want to immediately straighten it.