7 Ridiculous Things People Need To Stop Saying During The Holidays

A Christmas Story (Full-Screen Edition)
A Christmas Story (Full-Screen Edition)

I am so sick to death of hearing people say certain things during the holidays. It is supposed to be a happy time of year, and instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing, why don’t you shut up and be happy?

1. “People shouldn’t celebrate Christmas if they don’t believe in Christ.”

Really? Who made you the Christ police? Do you think Jesus would be very happy if he knew you were raining on peoples’ Christmas parades with hatred and some self-righteous belief that you get to administer the Christ test? Just shut up. People can celebrate whatever the hell they want, and they don’t need a religion or YOU to justify it! If it promotes good will, giving, and generosity, why is that bad? Stop being elitist assholes and let people celebrate, cause guess what, they’re going to do it anyways and you’re just making Christians look bad.

2. “Christmas has become too commercialized.”

Kind of like many other mental epidemics spurred on by key words, “commercialism” is all ablaze around Christmas time. It’s America. There is always rampant commercialism of every holiday. So what? Does anyone have a gun to your head, forcing you to buy things or buy into certain traditions, like buying presents, of Christmas? No. Get more imaginative or don’t participate. Stop being such a sheep if you don’t like it, or at least stop furthering the zombie idea. Some people like spending money and buying presents, or possibly even trampling people at Black Friday sales. That’s their prerogative. It also helps the economy. Stop crying about it.

3. “Jesus is the reason for the season.”

Not quite. The pagan festival of lights is. Get your history straight.

4. “(Insert asinine comment here about) Holiday Weight Gain.”

If you eat like a Viking during the holidays, you’re going to gain weight. There is no magic secret to reduce the calorie content of foods you either a.) didn’t make or b.) would never normally consume. Don’t want to gain holiday weight? Don’t eat things you don’t eat normally throughout the year! Want to eat a shitload of pie? You’re probably going to gain weight. Accept it. Embrace it. But please, don’t be mystified by it.

5. “People should say ‘Merry Christmas’ instead of ‘Happy Holidays’ (add offended scowl).”

This is 2013 (almost 2014). Stop being ridiculous. There are a million other ways to celebrate besides Christmas and if you don’t want to exclude or offend people, saying Happy Holidays is a pleasant way to convey a message of good will.

6. “I hate (Christmas music, “A Christmas Story,” any other Christmas movie, etc.).”

Well, that is too bad. Then don’t watch ABC Family and don’t turn the radio to the Christmas station. It is not a difficult task to avoid Christmas music (unless you’re married to or dating THAT Christmas person) or not watch holiday shows. Why cry about it every year? I swear to god, by crying about it, you spur on that Christmas person and fuel their desire to listen to/watch that movie a hundred fold.

7. “I can’t wait for Christmas to be over.”

Really? You dislike happy people and parties and drinking and reasons to celebrate and get together? Go live in a cave in the wilderness then because that is sad. No matter how much you hate the holidays, they are a great excuse to see friends, be generous, and celebrate life. January is right around the corner with plenty of shitty weather and reasons not to celebrate. Enjoy the holidays and quit bitching! TC Mark

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