My type tends to be the kind of guy who calls himself a feminist, so I often encounter the guy who just eats girls out because he feels obligated to make up for years of female oppression. You can tell this type of guy because he generally just flicks his tongue around in the same way until you lose sensation. This is annoying. I’m like, you know, man, if you’re just going to half-ass it, can I just give you a beejay and we’ll call it a night? Like, I appreciate the gesture, but it’s obviously just a gesture, and now not only am I not going to get off, but I also feel like a charity case.
There’s this stigma about eating girls out, I think. Sometimes I’ll be eating dinner with some of my douchebag gay guy friends and they’ll be like, “Ew, vaginas are gross and slimy!” It really grinds my gears. Like, I know we have a shared interest in the peen, OK, but that doesn’t mean you can insult my genitalia! That just makes getting eaten out even more stressful because sometimes my douchebag straight guy friends tell me that my genitalia is gross and slimy, too. The only time it hasn’t been stressful for me is when I was in a loving relationship, but it took a long time for it to get to that point and then when it finally did, it was really not a loving relationship anymore.
Sorry for all the heteronormativity, btw. I only have experience being eaten out by men and feeling anxiety about being eaten out by men. Being eaten out by a woman is probably way different. I have tried many times to imagine myself being eaten out by a woman, but I can’t do it. I want to be able to because I’m progressive and stuff, but I just can’t. I’ve also tried to imagine myself eating a girl out because I like to be good at things and I bet I’d be good at it, but I can’t do that, either.
Anyway, I guess I should include some more substantial qualitative analysis. Um, let’s see. Being eaten out feels like your partner is scratching an itch you didn’t realize you had until he or she caressed it in delicate circles with his or her glorious tongue. Then it feels way better than that. I don’t think being eaten out can really be painful. It would be pretty difficult for teeth to be involved, I think. Though I guess there could be a sucking issue? I have experienced that a couple of times, I guess. My opinion on the matter of sucking is that it shouldn’t happen at all, but maybe some girls like that. Guys do it fairly often, but to me it feels like you’re going to rip my clit off. Not good. Ouch.
So, yeah. If you’re going to eat me out, don’t suck.