1. You’re thinking about starting a food truck, or a band, or a design studio, or a co-working space. And it will probably have an ampersand in the title. And some old person’s name and an animal. Old person name + ampersand + animal.
2. John Aielli confuses us. We know that he is a terrible DJ, but there is something that endears us to him. We want to walk into KUTX, give him a big hug, tell him that yes, dinosaurs are magical, special creatures and walk out.
3. When you look around at all the condos going up at the speed of sound and feel overwhelmed, you know that just stepping foot into Wheatsville, Texas Chili Parlor, The Broken Spoke, Ginny’s or Lala’s will ground you. Looking at all the old dudes with banana hammocks at Barton Springs can be grounding but also disorienting.
4. You thought about taking the MetroRail once…
5. No one wears the color burnt orange simply because they like the color burnt orange. You will never spot someone accidentally wearing what was once a nice fall shade that compliments teal or navy very well.
6. Or, if a person does like the color burnt orange, hate sports and just moved to Austin, they quickly realize that they can never wear the color burnt orange ever again.
7. When the day comes that you decide to only shop locally, you realize that shopping at Whole Foods totally counts as shopping locally because it originated in Austin. You are stoked.
8. The Secret Beach is probably filled with poop water, but you’ll still duck your head under nonetheless. And why is it still called the Secret Beach? Wait, does anyone even go to the Secret Beach?
9. You’ve only lived in Austin somewhere between one to five years and even you are concerned about the fast pace of development in the city. However, if you say anything about it online, people who have lived in Austin longer than one to five years will make fun of you. If you’ve lived in Austin longer than five years, you think everyone else is a jackass, and rightfully so.
10. You feel the urge to say hello to strangers and strangers feel the urge to say hello to you. Sometimes you step back and realize that if this happened in most other cities, you would be looked at as emotionally unstable.
10. You always forget that Marfa is really that far from Austin. In fact, everywhere is really far from Austin. Except for San Antonio – but who wants to go there except for your mom?
11. It feels like every time you try a new restaurant in Austin, it’s labeled a “New American gastrobpub,” and you’re no longer sure what that means. Sometimes you kind of wish just a new cheap diner would open up.
12. The only way to eat Franklin BBQ is by buying five pounds of meat and rightfully heading to the front of the line or going to an event catered by Franklin. Waiting in line for two hours for BBQ is not what the Texas forefathers intended for future generations and it should be outlawed.
13. 25% of your Austin “friends” you’ve never met in real life because people spend way too much time online here. Or, if you’ve met them once or twice in real life, you realize you only know them by their Twitter handle and it’s awkward. You say, “Hi, you!” and pat them on the back to show that you care.
14. You never knew you could have such polarizing emotions towards cyclists.
15. You’re pretty sure that Austin-Bergstrom Airport is the best airport you’ve ever been to. Live music? Food from local vendors? Friendly staff? That is until the next time you buy an airline ticket. Then you curse the heavens for flights being so damn expensive.
16. You know that you can’t rely on road signage, whether it be permanent or temporary due to construction, because Texas doesn’t believe in adequate road signage. It believes in BBQ.
17. You have to constantly remind yourself that in the months between March and October, you have to check the traffic report. Otherwise you’ll get stuck in the traffic caused by marathons, music festivals and movie festivals. That is when you go to see what Dallas has to offer for the weekend. Oak Cliff doesn’t seem so bad, right?
18. But even though the incessant marathons and festival may grate on you at times, you know that you wouldn’t want to live in any other place in the world because Austin is the most welcoming, entertaining and exciting city you can think of. You feel lucky to live here every single day. Except for during the months of July and August.
19. The novelty of Austin being number one on lists for best places to visit/live in/procreate in/retire in has worn off.