What is the part of you that you meticulously cover up in an attempt to conceal it from the world?
Those who are closest to me know one of my darkest struggles. They see right through me no matter how much I try to hide it. To most, it is not an obvious struggle, but to me it is an inner demon that attempts to arrest my soul and twist my mindset. It slowly eats away at me, corrupting my view of myself and the world.
I am not a very confident individual. If you were able to get inside of my mind, you would see me doubting my actions, worrying about what people think of me, and over-analyzing every word I say. To some, confidence may seem like an insignificant struggle. Yet, I have experienced its effect on my heart and in my relationships.
You see, confidence and comparison go hand in hand. My lack of confidence causes me to compare myself to people around me–to judge myself in light of those who are smarter, prettier, funnier, or more successful than me. My lack of confidence creates a lack of depth in my relationships because of my relentless tendency to compare.
My lack of confidence frustrates my husband, my family, my friends. I refuse to believe what they see in me because I replace truth with lies. I see myself as a constant disappointment, failure, and never enough–even though this is the opposite of what I am told.
What would change if I were to replace my lack of confidence and tendency to compare with something more? How would my view of others, myself, and the world change? This morning, my husband and I were reading from 1 Peter 2, and a few verses in particular stood out to me:
“So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” —1 Peter 2: 1-5; 9
What if I asked God to strip me of jealousy, resentment, bitterness, comparison? What if I truly believed that I am chosen… precious… a living stone with the purpose of worshiping the God who loves me despite my shortcomings? I think if I truly began to believe this, my confidence would no longer be an issue because my focus would be on honoring God and not elevating myself. I waste so much time obsessing over myself–time that could be spent drawing others to Him. He has called me out of darkness; yet, sometimes I still linger in the shadows, retracting back to old habits and insecurities. It will be a continuous process, but I would much rather be confident in His marvelous light–free from comparison and doubts.
What is the part of you that you meticulously cover up in an attempt to conceal it from the world? Perhaps it is a lack of confidence; perhaps it is a tendency to compare; perhaps it is something far from my current struggles. Whatever your blemish, I pray that you will step with me, out of the shadows, believing that you are chosen, precious, and honored in the sight of your Creator.