I’m Slowly Learning To Let Go Of The Past

girl looking at fireworks
Chansereypich Seng

I’m slowly learning to let go. To move on. To breathe out all of the mistakes I made, and breathe in the new. I’m slowly learning to remind myself that I am not defined by my past or the people in the past.

I’m slowly learning that I am not who I used to be.

I’m learning to let go of the people who are no longer in my life. To let go of the friends who aren’t here for me anymore. I’m learning to let go of the fact that I may have said something or done something to make certain people leave. I’m learning to let go of the people who chose to walk away, even if I didn’t want them to.

I’m learning to let go of toxic people and toxic relationships that I used to want to hold on to. I’m slowly, but surely, realizing that those people and those connections are no longer here. I’m learning to let go of how much I loved them, despite their toxic actions and words they spit at me. I’m learning to let go of their love that they never gave me.

I’m learning to let go of my exes. Of the relationships that never became exclusive. Of the boys who rejected me. Of the people who disappointed me. Of the lips I kissed that decided to leave. Of my first love. I’m learning to let go of all that I used to love, because they aren’t present now. They aren’t here.

I have to let all of that go.

And most importantly, I’m learning how to let go of my past self.

I fucked up a lot. I probably drank too much. I talked too much. I never learned how to shut my mouth., I messed up relationships that could have lasted a lifetime. I messed up friendships, I ghosted people instead of just coming clean.

I’m slowly learning that the past is not the me that is writing this now. That the past should never have to effect the me that I am today. I’m slowly learning to let go of all the mistakes and all of the let downs and failures.

That is not who I am anymore.

I am not the naive girl I used to be. I am not the heartbroken girl I once was. I am not the girl who through love away. I am not the girl who loved him. I am not the girl who loved her. 

I will not allow myself to be defined by my past mistakes and my past heartbreaks. Life is too short to keep holding on. Life is just far too beautiful to let the past cast a shadow on your life. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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