Thought Catalog

It’s Not Modern Dating That’s Fucking Love Up — It’s Us

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girl with pizza
God & Man

I used to think it was the online dating apps or the launch of the never ending versions of iPhones. I used to think it was technology causing our generation to not understand love, or even want it.

But it’s not that at all. It’s us. We are the problem. Nothing else.

We sit and complain about how our generation is ruined. We gab to our girlfriends about how all of us are doomed. Because there’s absolutely no one person out there for us. There’s just no way we will find love. And then we make light of it, quoting sad Taylor Swift lyrics on our Tumblr and jokingly tweeting about our sad single lives.

We say we are trying. We say we want love. But are we really trying? Are we going on dates anymore or are we just sitting at home instead? Are we really, truly working hard at finding love?

Or are we giving up?

We cry over too many glass of wine, complaining that modern dating is the worst thing to ever exist. We blame it on everything but ourselves.

But we are the ones to blame. It’s not the technology. It’s how technology has caused us to become anti social beings. It’s not the iPhones or the dating apps. It’s how we look at it and how we look at us. We look at our generation in disgust, but we don’t look at ourselves as being the actual problem.

We download dating apps, but we don’t use it. We go on dates, but then we are too quick to shut them out right afterwards. We say we want love, but we can’t even open up. We are too scared and frightened of being seen as vulnerable or weak. 

We are too eager for a quick fix. For a warm body to lay next to at night. And just as easily, we are all too quick to go, to leave, and to run. We run from the one thing that we keep saying that we truly want.

It’s not that we can’t hold a conversation. We just don’t try hard enough It’s not that we are all glued our phones. We just find it easier to not meet up in person. to not talk. Communicate.

We breakup now by disappearing into thin air. We are so afraid of reality, so afraid of facing our own demons and our own selves, that it makes love seem impossible.

We need to start trying. To stop complaining, when really it’s our own fault. You want to be loved? Go on a date and actually be in the moment. Try again and again. Don’t just get the instant, quick fix. Don’t just go after someone who is easy to get, who is just there to use as your arm candy.

We need to stop being so scared. We need to go out and live instead of hiding away, feeling sorry for ourselves.

Actually start thinking about what you want and go after it. And don’t be afraid of rejection because the truth of the matter is, we are all  going to rejected once in a while. But that isn’t an excuse to quit. That isn’t an excuse to give up.

You deserve love. So why don’t you believe that? TC mark

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