We scroll through our phones at midnight hoping to find ‘the one’ from our tiny lit up screens. We search the overcrowded bars for someone to catch our eye, secretly hoping that tonight will be different from any other Friday night.
We are desperate for some sort of sign, for some sort of profound moment that will let us know that it won’t be like this forever. That dating won’t always have to be this hard.
So why is it so hard?
Why is it so difficult for us to have a decent conversation with someone? Why is it so hard to find someone who genuinely and deeply cares? Why is it so easy to scroll through our phones and swipe right just as easy as it is for us to shut people out, to stop responding to them out of the blue, and to act like they never existed?
Dating has turned into a mind game. A never ending game of tricks and lies and false hope. It’s turned into something that isn’t fun anymore, and instead of being genuinely excited to jump into it, dating has become something to dread.
We are so obsessed with the idea of having everything together, that we forget how to live in our own lives. We are so addicted to what we look like on paper, no matter how lonely we are on the inside. We swipe and scroll and double tap, but it ultimately doesn’t add any meaning into our lives. It isn’t real. It’s just a game.
I don’t want to keep talking to strangers and getting my hopes up, all for it to end in a matter of days. I don’t want to keep holding my breath whenever I go out, waiting for ‘the one’ to magically show up. I don’t want to keep talking to my friends, whining about the same scenario over and over again.
I want to stop caring for people who ultimately don’t care about me.
But it keeps happening over and over again. I keep giving people my all before I even get to know them. And they just disappoint me one text at a time. One date at a time. One ghost at a time.
Why is it that we can’t commit anymore? Why do we just dive in to instant gratification and dive right back out when we start to catch feelings? Why are we so scared of forming a connection with somebody?
Since when did dating become something to be so afraid of?
We care until we care too much. We date until it gets too serious and then we back out all together. We start and stop and start and stop until we run out of steam and want to give up all together. We want so badly to be loved, and give a stranger our all just to watch them to turn our backs on us. We give and we give, without taking anything at all.
I’m so exhausted. I’m so tired of pretending not to care. I’m so done with trying to love people who don’t even have the capability of loving me.
So for now, I’ll just live. I’ll just keep on living and loving my life until the right person comes along. I’ll just keep my heart honest and open until I find someone who wants to love all of me. I’ll just keep on believing that good will come from this. Because it has too right? For all of us, it just has to.