1. You’re in denial at first.
You are constantly thinking to yourself that you don’t deserve this. When you see him and hang out with him, you feel like you’re dreaming. In your mind you’re wondering how someone like him could ever like someone like you. You’re always second guessing yourself, on edge at all times.
2. You have your guards up.
At first, your walls are the way up. You think maybe he just wants one thing, and then will leave the next day. You don’t open up to him right away, in fear it will be all for nothing.
3. It takes you longer to trust him.
Even after some time has passed, it takes you a while to trust him whole heartedly. You’ve been burned in the past and you don’t want it to happen with this guy who you really really like. You won’t open to him until you are positive that he wants you for you.
4. You make up reasons to not date him.
You make up excuses to not see him, to see how his reaction will be. You pull away, just to see if he will pull away too. You’re always so paranoid that he won’t keep trying, but he does. It takes you a long time to realize that he actually is in fact infatuated with you, and that he wants only you!
5. You take it slow.
You don’t see the harm in taking it super slow with him. Because you like him so much, you don’t want to mess up right away or say the wrong thing to him. You’re more timid and careful around him, thinking he will be just like the rest of them.
6. You don’t get intimate right away.
Because he’s someone who is really special to you, you don’t have sex right away. You don’t even kiss him after a few dates because you don’t want to get hurt even more. You take your time with him, always observing him and his body language. You only get intimate with him once your mind is sure that he won’t walk out.
7. You very slowly let yourself open up to him.
Once a few months have passed, you start letting your guards down. You know deep down that he deserves to know all of you, even the flaws and imperfections. He deserves to know all of you, even if you’re petrified for him to see all of you.
8. You constantly overthink what you say to him.
Especially at the start of the relationship, you play over and over again in your head what you’re going to say to him. You never want to run out of things to say, in fear of seeming awkward or nervous. You’re always calculating what’s going to happen next.
9. When he sees you have a panic attack for the first time, you’re scared he will leave.
When he finally finds out about your anxiety and sees the power it has on you, you’re terrified he’s going to leave you. You’re always thinking that he should find somebody else who doesn’t have any issues like you have. You tell him, why would you want to stay someone who is so messed up?
10. When he doesn’t leave, you wonder why.
He doesn’t leave you. Even after seeing how much your mind can play tricks on you. He doesn’t say goodbye. And you honestly are always questioning his motives, and wondering why in the world would he love someone like you.
11. After a while, you stop being so afraid to let him in.
After a while, when you two have experienced the good and the bad parts of one another, you stop being so afraid. He has already seen everything that you tried so hard. And he still loves you. You don’t know why. You don’t know how. But you’re happy, and you have finally met someone who you trust with your whole soul. You’ve finally found someone who adores every single part of you.