I used to believe that time was my best friend. That time had the ability to fully erase the past. That it had the power to make me forget all of the hurt and pain my heart had endured.
I thought that if enough time had passed, my heart would be able to erase it all. Erase all of the heartbreak and the scars that love had marked on me.
But I have come to find that time isn’t so forgivable. Time can’t make it go away. It won’t heal the scars completely. And it won’t make you ever forget.
I used to wish so desperately that time would be on my side. I did everything I could to make the ghosts go away. I threw out old letters. I blocked people on social media. I disciplined myself to not talk to people who I shouldn’t.
I cleansed my closet of old shirts and memories. I crumpled up pictures and polaroids. I did everything I could, to throw the hurt away.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t block away thoughts of him. I couldn’t block out the tears I cried or the flashbacks of first kisses. No matter what I did, the broken love still followed me. He still followed me. And I found myself still being haunted.
But then one day, as I was filled with nostalgia yet again on a beautiful fall day, I decided to stop. To stop running away from the hurt. To stop running so far away from the pain and from the past. I decided to let time do it’s thing, instead of trying to force it make me forget.
And I stopped trying so hard to forget.
And when I stopped trying so hard to erase the past, I started to feel better. Instead of trying to mask my hurt from the world, I decided to greet it. I stopped running. And I started actually feeling.
And as soon as that switch turned in my mind, I realized that time shouldn’t be something to heal every wound. Time shouldn’t be the thing that we rely on to make all of the pain disappear. Because truth be told, life doesn’t work like that. And love doesn’t work like that.
If the love that you had was real, you won’t ever forget it. You won’t forget the memories. You won’t forget him or her. You won’t forget how your heart felt. If the love you had was genuine and real, time won’t erase that.
And maybe that’s a good thing.
Why would you want to erase someone who used to be mean the world to you? Why would you want to forget the way that love felt and tasted and smelled like? Why would you ever want to let go of that piece of your heart that was his? Why would you ever want those memories to disappear?
Don’t try to fight your healing time. Don’t try to have a tug of war with the test of time. And don’t try to forget.
You’re supposed to remember it. You’re supposed to remember and smile at the memories. You’re supposed to know that at one point in time, you were magically and wonderfully in love. And you’re supposed to know that at one point in time, someone held a piece of your heart and vowed to never let it go.
So don’t try to pack up the pain. Don’t throw out the memories and the drops of tears that you hold in your chest. Just let yourself feel. Let yourself remember. And let yourself fall in love with the memories.
You’re allowed to remember it all. Because a love like that was supposed to be honored and cherished. A love as powerful as that, was meant to be remembered forever.