It’s hard to be happy when you feel like your heart is being ripped by the strongest tornado in Kansas. It’s hard to smile, when your eyes are full of never ending droplets. And it’s hard to feel joy inside of your soul, when your soul was already taken by somebody else.
I know it’s the worst feeling in the world. And I know you think that it will never, ever end. I know you feel like you won’t ever be able to believe in true love again, and that you will never be able to dust yourself from the smoke he left in your heart.
I know you feel like your sorrow is piercing every bone in your body. You feel it so heavily. It feels like every inch of you is on fire, and you just want to wash it all away with anything you can handle. You want to wash yourself away with alcohol, with drugs, and with other bodies. Just to feel something other than pain. Just to feel wanted. If even for a second.
But here’s the truth about heartbreak. Losing yourself in a vice is only going to prolong the hurt. It is only going to numb you, until it hits you all over again. That bottle of whiskey, that naked stranger in your room, and that drag of a cigarette, is only going to stunt your growth. And it is only going to stunt your healing time.
What you need to do, is to feel. To feel the ripping and tearing of your heart strings. To feel the crashing and burning of your once true love. To feel the repressed tsunami erupt from your eyes, without caring about the flood you will ultimately create.
You need to feel all the hurt and all the pain, in order to come back from the dark. And in order to eventually, see the hope that you will gain from this heartbreak.
I don’t know how to smile though tears. I don’t know how to feel happiness when I feel like I don’t have a heart. But that’s ok. It’s ok to feel like you don’t know how to smile yet. The goal right now, is for you to just survive. And to learn how to keep living with this hole in your heart.
And after you have grieved, after you have burned his things and cried your lungs out, only then will you start to heal. Only after the destruction, will you be able to start rebuilding your heart back up again.
It will happen when you least expect it. A smile. A flicker of hope. A tiny moment where you feel truly, and honestly happy. And even if this happens for half a second, that is still something. That is still a flame of light.
And soon those half seconds of light that you feel within your heart will turn into minutes. And pretty soon you will have days that are full of laughter, rather than of tears. And pretty soon, you will start having months full of friends, family, and smiles, rather than the stinging of your heart.
It won’t happen quickly. And it won’t be linear either. But one day, you’ll feel a stirring in your heart. You’ll feel lighter. And you will want to smile again. Not for him. Not for her. But for yourself.