For the days where you can’t get out of bed, in fear of having an attack spring upon your chest – know that you are not the only one who feels this way. For the days where your bones feel like boulders weighing your ribcage down, and for the days where you are full of so much worry that you can’t even pick up your own head, please know this:
Know that it’s ok to feel how you are feeling. That it’s ok to be worn down by anxiety. Know that it’s ok to feel depressed, because what else can you do when you feel nothing but anxiousness? Know that it’s not just you who feels this way. You aren’t alone in this feeling. This feeling of uncertainty, of not being enough, and of not knowing what’s next. You are not alone, my dear.
Know that while it feels like the end right now, it’s not the end at all. This is just the beginning. The beginning to feel more hope instead of devastation. The start of something more for your heart and for your body. The beginning of a new chapter pointing you towards a better life. The beginning of a fight.
The fight for your life. To slowly let your mind resist the temptation that anxiety has on you. To slowly inhale all the crap it feeds you, and to gently exhale it all out. To just let it out.
This is the start of becoming your own army. Of becoming your own hero. Because you can fight this. And you can beat it. But it’s going to be work. Hard work. And it’s not going to be an uphill battle, perfectly smooth sailing and linear. It’s going to be a rollercoaster of a ride.
So today, for right now, it’s ok to just lie down. To turn off the lights. To inhale and exhale, watching your stomach slowly go up and down. To just breathe. To just be. It’s ok to feel this way, right now.
Right now it’s ok for you to just do nothing. To not go out with your friends. To rest in the comfort of your own home. To feel the warmth of a blanket surrounding your cold body. To feel the hot coffee slide down your throat even though it’s hard to swallow. To breathe, even when it seems impossible. To close your eyes when your eyelids feel like weights crushing you down. It’s ok to not be ok.
I hope you don’t let anxiety defeat you. I hope you don’t let it win and I hope you don’t let it takeover your idea of your own self-worth. Please do not let anxiety become your world. Please do not let anxiety consume you.
Because even though you feel like this right now, it’s just a tiny moment. A minute or a day out of millions more that you will get to experience. So even though it’s hard to breathe and to think right now, you won’t always feel this way.
You won’t always have to try so hard. Just to live.
I promise. You aren’t always going to feel the burden and the weight that anxiety has on you now. One day you’ll be free. Free from it all.