Maybe at the time I thought you were good for me. Maybe at the time I thought that it was love. Or perhaps, I thought that I couldn’t do any better. And perhaps, I truly thought that you were what I deserved.
I was mistaken.
You see, now I know that I deserved more. I deserved more than kisses that would only end in goodbyes. I deserved more than just a spot on your beds. I deserved more than ‘I like yous’ and ‘I love yous’ that meant nothing to you. I deserved more than a boy who ‘didn’t want a relationship’. I deserved more than a boy who chose my best friend over me.
And I deserved more than a boy who broke my heart not just once, but twice.
I don’t hate any of you. I don’t stay up late at night dreaming of ways to get revenge on what you did to me. And I don’t regret any of those experiences. Because without meeting you, I wouldn’t of learned what I truly need and want in my life. And without being let down by so many people, I wouldn’t have had the courage to love myself more than any of you could have.
You taught me how to be strong. You showed me that I can be happy on my own. You taught me what love is, and what love isn’t. And you showed me that heartbreak is something that I can get through, no matter how big the wound and how long it takes for the scar to heal.
You taught me how to be a warrior.
So thank you. Thank you for showing me what I don’t want. Thank you for showing me what I don’t need. Thank you for showing me that I am worth more than a messed up version of love. Thank you for showing me your true colors, and letting me go when I needed to run. And thank you for giving me tiny moments when I truly thought you were worth something.
I’m really happy now. I look back on all of you, and smile back on the past. You gave me something that I don’t think I would’ve ever gotten without you.
You gave me myself.
So, thank you for teaching me that I am better off alone than being with someone who doesn’t feel the same. And thank you for helping me realize that I will find someone eventually, who will embody someone you will never be.