An Open Letter To The Boys Who Loved Me Less Than I Deserved


Maybe at the time I thought you were good for me. Maybe at the time I thought that it was love. Or perhaps, I thought that I couldn’t do any better. And perhaps, I truly thought that you were what I deserved.

I was mistaken.

You see, now I know that I deserved more. I deserved more than kisses that would only end in goodbyes. I deserved more than just a spot on your beds. I deserved more than ‘I like yous’ and ‘I love yous’ that meant nothing to you. I deserved more than a boy who ‘didn’t want a relationship’. I deserved more than a boy who chose my best friend over me.

And I deserved more than a boy who broke my heart not just once, but twice.

I don’t hate any of you. I don’t stay up late at night dreaming of ways to get revenge on what you did to me. And I don’t regret any of those experiences. Because without meeting you, I wouldn’t of learned what I truly need and want in my life. And without being let down by so many people, I wouldn’t have had the courage to love myself more than any of you could have. 

You taught me how to be strong. You showed me that I can be happy on my own. You taught me what love is, and what love isn’t. And you showed me that heartbreak is something that I can get through, no matter how big the wound and how long it takes for the scar to heal.

You taught me how to be a warrior.

So thank you. Thank you for showing me what I don’t want. Thank you for showing me what I don’t need. Thank you for showing me that I am worth more than a messed up version of love. Thank you for showing me your true colors, and letting me go when I needed to run. And thank you for giving me tiny moments when I truly thought you were worth something.

I’m really happy now. I look back on all of you, and smile back on the past. You gave me something that I don’t think I would’ve ever gotten without you.

You gave me myself.

So, thank you for teaching me that I am better off alone than being with someone who doesn’t feel the same. And thank you for helping me realize that I will find someone eventually, who will embody someone you will never be. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

Keep up with Lauren on Instagram, Twitter and Amazon

More From Thought Catalog