Right now, his name makes you cringe. It makes your ears want to shut off. Hearing his name makes you want to erase it all. His name blinds you from that bright love you used to have. It is just a name, yes. But it’s a name you miss.
Right now, his name brings you pain. It reminds you of what could of been. It reminds me of the things you still want to say to him, but don’t. It reminds you of the things you want to tell him about your day and to describe all the ups and downs you’ve had since he’s been gone.
His name reminds you of the painful realization that he isn’t going to come back for you. His name reminds you of all that you have lost.
Right now, you wish his name didn’t exist. You wish his name could be pushed out of all the corners of your mind, once and for all. You wish with all your heart that you could forget it all. And most of all, you wish you could forget what you used to have. And what you don’t have now.
But, I promise you. One day, hearing his name won’t leave you reeling. One day, hearing his name won’t leave salty tears running down your blushed cheeks. One day, his name won’t leave a mark on your heart.
One day, after a long time has passed, you will hear someone bring him up. You will hear someone ask about how he is. You will hear someone ask you if you two have caught up yet.
And you aren’t going to cover your ears.
His name won’t remind you of the loss of him. His name won’t remind you of all the memories frozen in time. Hearing his name won’t force you to focus on your breathing, and to focus your eyes on anything but the ground. Miraculously, one day, his name won’t bring you any pain at all.
Sure, it will bring up the memories. It will fill you up with bittersweet scents. It will make your heart smile with the thought of that love. It will remind you of all the good. But, it won’t remind you of the bad anymore.
Hearing his name again will make your ears become alert. But it’s not going to make you squirm with uncertainty. No. It will only make you smile at the past. You won’t have to glare at its existence anymore.
You won’t have to hide from those letters and syllables that used to tear you up inside.
One day, his name will just be letters, rearranged to make a word.
One day, his name will just be a reminder of love.
One day, his name will just be a sideways look into the past.
And one day, his name won’t cause you to hurt anymore. It will just be what it is. A name.