Maybe It’s Ok To Love Him Forever


It’s been months. Or years. Or decades. And you still dream of him sometimes. You still reach out your hands to touch his cheek that will never be there. You still think of him when you hear his favorite song. You wonder, ‘what if?’ And you can’t stop wondering. You can’t get him out of your head, no matter what you do. You just can’t.

Why are we considered weak if this is the case? Why are we considered psycho or mentally ill if this is the case? Why is it so bad to keep on loving? Is it really that bad of a thing to keep on feeling?

Why is it so terrible, that we keep our love alive?

I’d rather keep on loving who he used to be, than to grow bitter over loss. I’d rather keep on missing who he used to be, then grow hardened by my own loneliness.

I’d rather keep on loving him, because loving him was the most beautiful thing I have ever done.

I would rather keep my memories of him in my head, for safe keeping, to help me smile on a rainy day. I would rather keep my feelings towards him, to help me cry on a beautiful march day.

I would rather keep love alive, even after it ends.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to pine after him. This doesn’t mean I’m going to try to ruin his other relationships. This doesn’t mean I want to get back together with him. I don’t. 

But keeping the love alive that we used to have, is precious. Why is it so bad that I relish in those memories? Why is it such a crime to relive those moments, and to think about them from time to time. Does it offend you that I haven’t lost hope, even after I lost a great love?

Does it offend you that I still love him and what he gave me, even after we broke up?

So, maybe it’s ok if we love them forever. Maybe it’s ok to continue to miss the memories that haunt us. Maybe it makes us more human. Maybe it makes us even more lovable.

Why not make your day better by remembering what love felt like? Why not open up your mind to what it felt like to be held by him? It’s not something to ever be ashamed of. You should love the fact that you had love. You should love the fact that you got to have a love that was big and great and magical. You should feel lucky. 

Why would you want to close that chapter of your life up? Why would you want to erase all the memories and to erase his existence? Don’t try to forget. Don’t try to run away. You’ll never forget a great love.

It will always, always be with you. And he always will too.

So, it’s ok to keep on loving him. It’s ok to wish him well and wish him happiness. He was a huge part of your life. He was your first love. At one point in time, he was your whole world.

So, maybe it’s ok to love him forever. Maybe it’s more than ok. And maybe it’s the kind of thing that makes us even more beautiful. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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