You Don’t Love Him, You Just Love The Idea Of Him

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kirbyg

You miss him on some days and some evenings. You miss the way it felt to lay your head against his chest at night. You miss the way he used to make you tea in the wintertime. 

You miss him on the nights when you have no one to text.

You miss him on days when you smell someone wearing the same cologne as him. You miss him on snowy days when his hands were your mittens. You miss him when you see your friends all coupled up. And realize that you’re still alone because you keep missing him.

You miss him on some days when the sun makes you squint too hard. You miss him on days when everything is right, but nothing is great. You miss him when you wake up early and see an empty space in your bed. You miss him on New Years when he’s not there to kiss you back.

You tell yourself you’re crazy. You tell yourself you will never move on.

But truth be told, you don’t love him like you think you do. And you don’t miss him like you think you do.

You miss the way you felt when you were with him. You miss the way you felt when he held you. You miss the way you felt when you were with someone. You miss the way you felt. You don’t miss him.

You loved the way you felt in a relationship. You loved the way it felt to be wanted. You loved the way it felt to be loved. You don’t miss him. You don’t love him.

You just miss the person that you were when you were with him. You just love the person you were when you felt noticed.

You aren’t crazy. You aren’t going to feel like this forever. You just miss the idea of it all. The idea of feeling wanted again. The idea of being loved. And he’s the only one who has done it so far.

But don’t worry. There will be plenty more.

And in the meantime, just love yourself and hold yourself up. Love the person who are instead of looking to the past. Then you won’t have anything to anyone to miss anymore. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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