This Is What My Life Would Look Like If I Had Never Met You

Audrey Reid
Audrey Reid

I would still be me. I would still have the same eyes, the same uncontrollable hair, and the same hands. I would still have the same fingers that are abnormally small, and the same mind that never shuts off. I would still have my issues and my thoughts that always turn into worry.

I would still be me. Physically, I mean. It would all be the same.

If I had never met you, I would have the same handwriting, and the same laugh that is way too loud. I would have the same love of coffee and dark chocolate. I would still probably be a hopeless romantic.

But here is how I would’ve been different. Here is how, I wouldn’t be the same. If I had never met you, I wouldn’t have gotten to experience the power of first love. I wouldn’t have gotten to know what it felt like to be able to clasp my skinny fingers into yours. I wouldn’t of gotten the chance to fall head first deep into the rabbit hole, and not ever hesitate. Not even once.

I would’ve never gotten to experience a first kiss that made me question all my other kisses.

I would’ve never gotten the experience of whispering “I love you” to someone and have them say it back so clearly. If I had never met you, I would’ve never gotten to experience what it felt like for someone to be my happiest hello and my hardest goodbye.

If I had never met you, my life would be less rich. Less loving. Less vibrant. If I had never met you, I’m not sure that I would’ve had that powerful, life changing first love that only a few people get to experience.

If I had never met you, I wouldn’t be as grown up as I am now. I would have never had to build myself back up from the loss of you. I never would’ve had to wish to have broken bones instead of a broken heart. I never would’ve cried like I have cried over you.

But, if I had never met you, my life would be duller. It would’ve been more white, and less color. My life would have a glaze over it, or a curtain over my head, that blocked light from coming on. If I had never met you, I wouldn’t have gotten to know what true love feels like.

I never would’ve had all the stories and moments, stored in my memory, that I have now.

If I had never met you, I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing this down. I wouldn’t have anything to write about. I wouldn’t have to wake up at 4 am with poetry and rhymes swirling around in my head.

If I had never met you, everything would be different. And for that, I am so grateful. Thank you for giving me the gift of love. And for giving me the gift of a memory. Thank you for giving me moments that I will write about for, forever. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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