I Don’t Do ‘Casual’ (And Here Is Why You Shouldn’t Either)

benjhaisch / Lightstock
benjhaisch / Lightstock

I’m not here to tell you what to do with your love and sex life. By all means, enjoy yourself. Put yourself out there. Have fun! (and be safe). I am not going to judge someone by what they choose to do or what they choose to not do.

However, I really do believe that casual relationships and casual sex can end up hurting people in the long run. This isn’t any news to you all, I’m sure. Girl meets boy, girls falls for boy, and boy leaves her with a broken heart. Sound familiar?

Do what you want. Do as you please. But, I’m going to share with you what I have learned from trying to do ‘casual’ relationships.

And here is why I will never do it again.

I was never a ‘casual’ type of girl. I was a solid ‘relationship’ girl. But when I lost my first love in college, I felt a switch turn in my head. All of a sudden, I felt a craving to explore. I felt a craving to meet new guys and to see what my options were. So, I managed to fall hard for a guy or two during my sophomore and junior year.

And let me tell you, when I fall, I fall hard. Like, ‘smack down face planted on the pavement’ hard. Before, I was always used to a guy either telling me he was interested or not. I was always used to the truth.

But, ‘casual’ is always a blurred line. It’s always twisted and it is never, ever going to be what you ultimately need or want.

But, I kept trying the casual thing. I kept falling. And failing. And guess what I realized after all of that hard work? It wasn’t worth it. It just wasn’t. No matter what I did or what I said, these guys didn’t care. They didn’t want to be serious. They didn’t want to be in a relationship. Of course, they all told me this AFTER I told them how I felt about them. Of course, they all told me this AFTER I had gotten the guts to kiss them first. 

I kept trying. I kept meeting new people, and thinking that it would be different this time. I kept my hopes high. I was optimistic as heck. I felt unstoppable when I connected with someone on a level that was something deeper than anything physical. But always, no matter if it was two weeks later or two months later, they would end it.

Maybe my mind just isn’t cut out for casual relationships.

Sometimes, I wish it was! I wish I could let go of my thoughts and just have fun without strings attached. I wish I could let go of my fears, and just chill out. I sometimes envy people that can do this. But, what I have realized is, I was not made to do things half way. I was not made to do 50%. I was made to love deep. To love hard. And to never accept anything less.

So, have fun. Do whatever makes you happy. But, I hope you know that you deserve love. You deserve to look at someone and trust that they won’t walk out. You deserve 100%. Always. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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