The Truth Is, If You Asked For Me Back I Would Say ‘Yes’

istockphoto.com / wundervisuals
istockphoto.com / wundervisuals

I wish I didn’t feel this way. And I wish I could pretend it’s not true and make the choice to not even write about it. But, I need to get this off my chest.

 Deep down in my gut, I know for sure that if you asked for me back, I would say yes.

And the sad part is that, this will never happen. So, why do I even day dream about this in the first place? I know, in five years, you’ll probably be married to the girl you’re with now, and you’ll have the life you always wanted. You’ll have your city apartment and you’ll have a favorite cafe spot to take her too. You’ll have a little dog by your side. You’ll have everything you need. And everything you want. And you won’t ever think of me.

Because I’m just your past. And your future looks a lot brighter than me.

I’m scared that five years from now, I’ll still be writing articles about you. I’ll still be staying up till 2 am. writing poems about you in my head. I’ll still be here, writing you songs with my acoustic guitar. Still madly in love at the thought of us. Still dreaming of me walking down the aisle right to you. Still madly in love with you. Still madly in love with the words you used to say to me.

Maybe I’m just in love with the person you used to be. The one who bought me a ring that said I love you on it three times. The one who made me forget my worries whenever you grabbed my hand. The one who mapped out our future together. And the one who always promised me for another tomorrow.

But sometimes, life isn’t pretty. Life doesn’t go as planned. And life gets in the way.

You aren’t that person anymore.

You aren’t the person I remember. I don’t know what you’re doing right now, I don’t know what song you’re practicing on your guitar, or what song you are recording next. I don’t know the person you write your songs for now. And I sure as hell don’t know the guy that said goodbye to me.

Because, to me, you are still not the guy who said goodbye.

You aren’t the guy who broke my heart. You’re still mine. The one who said forever and always. The one who always promised me the world.

So, if that guy ever decides to come back. I’d say yes a thousand times. Because that guy, the you who loved me, would never turn your back on me. The you who loved me never lied. The you who loved me wouldn’t break a promise. So, just know wherever you are, and whatever you’re doing, I’ll always say yes. And I won’t ever regret it. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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