Love Me Boldly, Or Not At All

Sean Kobi Sandoval
Sean Kobi Sandoval

I am strong now, I’m not weak like before.

Sure, I have my flaws, I have no muscle in my arms, I can’t do a cartwheel, I write my feelings instead of verbalizing them, but even still, I am strong. 

And I’m strong enough now to know that I deserve the kind of love that is anything but quiet. No matter the emotion, I want my partner to care enough to be loud in everything that he does. I want my partner to be passionate about life and passionate about me.

If we have a fight, I don’t him to turn away. I don’t want him to be shy in how he communicates with me. I want him to fight for me, instead of stepping to the side. I need fire. And I want it to matter to him.

I want me to matter to him.

I don’t want shy eyes anymore. I don’t need someone who won’t have the guts to say what he needs me to hear.

I want lion eyes, and a heart that lights up with fire whenever he’s near me.

I want cheetah strides, to witness him running to me like he hasn’t seen me in years. I don’t need the slow and careful steps. I need confident ones. I need him to want me. I want him to be confident in what we have. I want him to walk towards me in crashing waves, in sea salt breeze, in white pillowy clouds and in long, steady strides. 

I don’t need a quiet love anymore. I don’t need stutters, long pauses, and inside voices. I want the songs with the booming chorus, the crescendo that never ends, and the beat that never stops. I want the discussions filled with debate, with focused eyes, with mouths wide open, and with words that tumble out faster than a rainstorm.

I need all of the bold that there is in this world.

I don’t want the lilac shades, the off white curtains and the pastel painted kitchens. I want the firetruck reds, the blue’s that look more pure than the summer sky, the purples that never fail to seduce you, and the yellows that blind you even with your sunglasses on.

And for once, I know I deserve it all. I deserve the never ending rainbow. I deserve the metallic swatches, the sparkly painted tingles, and the “I love you’s” that come at me harder than hail.

We all deserve bold love. We are just too afraid to admit it. We are too afraid of pain. Too afraid of hurting. But if there is a love out there that is bold enough to wash you down with primary colors, than it’s worth all of the pain and all of the hurt. It’s always going to be worth it. No matter how it ends.

Because a love that is bold enough to scream at you in color, is strong enough to never fade. It’s strong enough to last, even if it ends. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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