I have settled once before. And no matter how many cuddles I got, kisses I received and appreciation that I felt, it wasn’t worth it. And it never will be. When I first met him, deep down I knew I wasn’t hooked. I was uneasy, apprehensive, and unsure.
And that was never his fault. It was my fault for not listening to my gut. My fault for going against my instincts, and my fault for dating him despite my hesitations.
Everyone would like to think of themselves as being strong. Everyone would like to think of themselves as not needing someone to make them happy.
But sometimes, your confidence sways, and you meet a nice person who you think will make you happy.
And you meet someone who you think will make you happier than you already are
So, that’s what I did. I entered a relationship that I was never ready for. I entered a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. And at first, it was wonderful. He was kind to me. But, all of my friends knew something was amiss. Everyone except me, could tell that he wasn’t the one for me. And they could tell that I wasn’t head over heels for him, despite what I had convinced myself.
Can you guess the aftermath? The relationship dwindled down and eventually ended. And I found myself being more relieved than sad.
I cried when it was finally over, but maybe, I was crying for the loss of myself.
For doing something I never should’ve done, and for wasting this guy’s time and energy. I felt incredibly guilty too. It was always unlike me to make a choice based off of impulse, instead of my heart. It was unlike me to settle.
So, for your future self and for the guy you might be interested in, think about it. Don’t jump in head first, because you might just hit those rocks on the way down. Don’t just get into a relationship just to have someone to sleep next to at night. Don’t just get into a relationship just to feel content for a while. No matter how much he makes you smile, if your gut is saying “no”, then you should too.
It’s unfair for yourself to settle. And not only that, but it’s incredibly unfair to the other person. You aren’t just wasting your time, your wasting theirs. You aren’t just lying to yourself, but you are lying to them.
If I go my whole life without meeting another person who I can connect with, then that’s fine by me. I would rather be content with myself than fake it with someone else.
I would rather sleep quietly in bed by myself than to sleep next to another person who I know isn’t right for me.
Don’t spend time with someone who in your heart, you know isn’t good for you. It’s not going to make you any happier. Please, don’t sell yourself short. It’s not worth your time to play pretend, when your gut keeps shouting out “no” over and over again.
When the time is right, the right person will come along. In the meantime, choose to listen to yourself and your body.
Choose to learn more about yourself than about a person who will never be your forever.
Choose to love yourself more, rather than forcing yourself to love a guy you can’t depend on.
You are always going to be your forever. You will always be able to wake up with just yourself, and choose to have a good day. No other person can decide that for you. So, please, don’t cause harm for you and another person just because you are lonely. Don’t hurt yourself and another human, just because you want intimacy for a few months.
You are your own forever. I am my own forever. And for me, that’s always enough. I hope it’s always enough for you too.