How To Know When You’re NOT In Love

istockphoto.com / Princigalli
iStockPhoto.com / Princigalli

They say “you know when you know” but I don’t think that’s entirely true. Sometimes, you want so badly to be in love that for the time being you think you are. You can confuse lust with love and love with lust in a relationship. You also could be trying to replicate a past love, trying to remember how it felt to be so desperately in love that it hurt. Maybe you’re trying to feel the way you did back then, but you just can’t force feelings. The present moment is nowhere near your past love and you keep trying to reach that ecstasy and intoxicating level of love. But it doesn’t come. When your relationship inevitably ends, you aren’t heartbroken. And that’s when you know you weren’t in love.

Looking back on it, you knew you weren’t in love when it was midnight and you never played back the day you just had spent with him. Trust me when I say that when you are in love, you can’t sleep because you are grinning ear to ear about the day you just had. Maybe you held hands for the first time or shared your darkest secret with him, whatever it was, it was magical. It could’ve been a low key day where you played in bed with each other and just talked. But it’s just magic. There’s no other word to describe it.

You knew you weren’t in love when you felt belittled with this person. When you’re in love you are so comfortable with this person, you could sing at the top of your lungs and dance on top of tables and feel one hundred percent confident. No matter what you do, this person won’t judge or mock you. You shouldn’t ever feel like you should be anything but yourself in a relationship.

You knew you weren’t in love when you shared a terrible day with them and they shrugged it off and you felt nothing. When you’re in love you should feel anger, sadness, happiness, joyfulness. You should never not care and should never feel nothing.

You knew you weren’t in love when you said “ I love you” but you immediately regretted saying it. Maybe it was the alcohol that made you do it, or maybe it was just your heart trying to feel that way again, but it was the wrong thing to say. And it wasn’t the truth.

You knew you weren’t in love when you thought about someone else during that time with your significant other. Thoughts of the past consumed you and you wanted it back. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, but you know your current significant other never fulfilled your needs like your past love had done.

You knew you weren’t in love when you constantly over thought and felt anxious about your relationship. You were insecure about your relationship because you shouldn’t have been in that relationship and you felt sick with worry because you should’ve been happier. But you weren’t.

You knew you weren’t in love when it ended. You cried because you’re supposed to. But you never really felt sad. You feel relieved.

And now you’re on a long journey to find it again. To feel that ecstatic, wonderful and beautiful feeling. Maybe it’ll happen in line at a cafe, or walking down the street. Maybe you’ll fall slow or fast but it’ll happen. You’ll never know when it does, but when it happens you will know. Falling in love is effortless and scary as hell, but it sure is worth it. TC mark

Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

For more poetry and writing follow me on Instagram!

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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