A Breakup Letter To Jerks


Dear Jerks,

Look, we need to talk.

This is, really, really hard for me to say because I haven’t said anything for — well, ever — but, I’m just not into you anymore.

I’d love to say “It’s not you, it’s me,” but it’s definitely you. Like Kanye said, I’ve got the advantage cause I could blame you for everything.

To be blunt, I’m not 19 anymore — drinks, minimal effort and me traveling to you — no longer sounds like a very good time to me. We’ve gotten older, and we’ve both changed — ALOT.

When we first met, you made me feel special. I’d do your homework for you, and you’d call me your girlfriend and everyone thought we’d end up like those people in The Notebook.

But now?! Now, you want me to keep giving more and more, faster and faster, and it’s really exhausting. Now, when you meet me on Tinder, as opposed to Chemistry class, you’re all like “HAHA LIKE I’D DATE A GIRL I MET ON TINDER,” TO THE GIRL YOU MET ON TINDER.

Instead of just liking me for the smart, weird, but funny girl I am. That’s messed up.

My dad — my friends, who I fought with sticking up for you — all warned me about you. But I ignored them because I believed in you. But now, now I find myself searching for any genuiness in our entire relationship.

So (like any good journalist would do) I Googled, Facebook Graph Searched, Conspired, anything-you-can-search-someone-searched you. Just did my due diligence — nothing overtly creepy or illegal.

I learned you’re doing this because our generation has almost been groomed to be, well, jerks.

“I got 350 matches in 5 months,” said one male online dater.

“That’s 70 matches per month. Twenty years ago, if you met a guy who said he’d met 70 women who’d expressed interest in him in the past month, you’d assume he was quite a stud. Today he can be any guy with a smartphone and a thumb to swipe right.” — Modern Romance

Are you wondering why you’re so exhausted?! STOP!!! It’s because we’re — you’re — exhausting ourselves with options and spending too much time with our smart phones and too little time with real, tangible people.

But, despite all this, I believed in you so I tried to understand you and your thinking. As far as I can tell though, you’re still a jerk, and well, I’m just not into jerks anymore. Look jerks, all I’m saying is I want to be treated like a lady even if I act like a boss. (Yeah, laugh, I’m laughing at myself for that one too.)

All I’m saying is I finally know the type of person I do want… I guess what I’m trying to say is, I want to go on a date with an intelligent, male grownup, who I can be real with, who I can trust and who is preferably smarter than me.


Miss Over Jerks (and online dating — but clearly not over blogging about it) Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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