1. She birthed you. It wasn’t easy. It’s never easy.
2. She taught you how to speak. Where would you be without this skill? Your first successfully communicated word was probably her name, which you then learned was your golden key to beckoning this woman to solve all of your problems.
3. She gave you your first kiss. Not THAT kind if kiss, but yes, she was your first kiss. Your first known basis for affection between humans.
4. You stress her out. One way or another. If the financial dent you made in her lifelong savings didn’t turn her hair gray, those death poems you wrote in middle school probably gave her a fright, or that X-rated blog you write now definitely does. (Notice she doesn’t email THAT in the family newsletter.)
5. You stretched her out. Stretch marks. Ew. Your fault. Break out the Mederma.
6. You probably don’t call her enough. Even though she still most likely pays your phone bill. Isn’t it about time you broke off that family plan? Not ready for that huge life step yet? Then call her once a day.
7. She once did (or still does) your laundry. Way better than you do now. That business is annoying. Especially when you leave your pants inside-out an your socks bundled up. You’ve since learned this is a pain in the butt.
8. She changed your diapers. Multiple times every day. Which is about a million times worse.
9. She would most likely bail you out of jail. Maybe not, but that’s called tough love. She would definitely at least visit you, and send you hard candies and books filled with crossword puzzles. Who else in your life would do that?
10. She loves you. No matter what, she does and always will.
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