It has been exactly a year since I allowed you to come into my life, fuck shit up, and leave. Only to return and then come in and out as you please. Of course, I have to accept responsibility for the role I played in this God-awful situationship. It is nobody’s fault but my own that I allowed this to continue. But one thing is for sure: you’re a fucking douche. And that, my friend, is absolutely your fault. So please don’t get mad when I pull a ‘you’ on you:
When I forget to return your phone calls or respond to your texts, don’t take it personally. I probably just had something better to do, like watch the latest episode of the Kardashians. Or I was probably answering someone else’s phone calls and accepting dates from other guys.
Please don’t get upset when I blow you off. Something or someone better probably just came along and I simply forgot to inform you that there’s been a change in plans. Oh yeah, and don’t get offended when I pop up on social media having the time of my life; we were never official, so I’m free to do what I want, even at your expense. But don’t worry, I’ll be sure to make it up to you with more false promises and bullshit excuses.
Honestly, I really am a busy woman, so please be understanding when I can’t make time for you. Between my job, my family, and my shithead friends, there just aren’t enough hours in a day to carve out time for you. Not to mention the many other guys vying for my attention – there just isn’t enough of me to go around. As a matter of fact, take a number and have a seat until your number is called. I promise I’ll get around to you eventually.
Oh, you wanted to go out on a real date? Wouldn’t it be better if we just stayed in and enjoyed a session of Netflix and chill? After all, we could end our romantic night with a wrestling match (sans clothes) between the sheets before the movie even ends. Who doesn’t enjoy a nice night of naked wrestling?
And since we’re on the topic of sex, you should know that it’s perfectly okay for me to hook up with other guys, seeing as how we’re not in an actual relationship. Sex with you is great and everything, but I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t share my most intimate parts with other willing participants.
Gasp! Of course I’m not stringing you along. I really do like you I’m just not ready for a relationship and I really don’t know when I’ll be ready. I don’t mean to keep you hanging in the balance, there are just so many other guys out here so it’s only fair that I weigh my options until I’m completely sold on the idea of you, if ever. Just make sure you’re still around when I finally do make my life-altering decision.