1. Our parents still have sex.
No elaboration needed (or wanted).
2. We will never again feel completely and fully rested.
Unfortunately, the days of sleeping in until noon are just a distant memory. We’ve all got things to do and people to see and television to watch and kids to take care of and homework to attempt and errands to run and we just. Don’t. Have. Time. The notion that “one day soon…” still keeps us going nonetheless.
3. We still don’t know where we’re going.
I’m not talking about the directions to the nearest ice cream shop (we all know exactly where that is), I’m talking about in life. Sweet, sweet ignorance would be welcome, but there will always be that nagging in the back of our minds saying, “Did I make the right choice? Is this where I’m meant to be?” – Unless you’re sat in that ice cream shop. In that case yes, yes you are.
4. The first rejection from our crush.
It was probably in grade 1 or 2 from that boy or girl we fondly admired from a distance. We praised their finger painting and thought their batman lunch box was just so cool. But, as it happens, cooties were highly contagious, and there is no way in hell they would ever risk catching them, even without the cootie shot. How could we expect anything else from an unrequited playground romance in the midst of the cootie plague?
5. We are turning into our parents.
Yes, I said it. No matter how strongly you’ve fought against it, rejected even the thought of becoming like your parents, you still catch yourself every once and a while making the same hand motions as your mother or yelling at the same irrelevant things your father does. Embrace it – it’s in your blood, and you can’t escape it.
6. We were complete assholes in Middle/High School.
Don’t lie, you have that one cripplingly embarrassing moment that you’ve shoved so far back in your memory it resembles the piece of paper you’ve left in your bag for too long. Looking back on our school days, we remember the awful things we did and said and wonder how anyone ever tolerated us. At least, I do (If you don’t you’re either lying or a saint and I’m not sure which is better).
7. Santa Claus isn’t real.
Who am I kidding; we all know Santa is real. Who else puts all the presents under the tree on Christmas Eve? And what about the cookies and carrots that are gone by Christmas morning? This is real, genuine, scientific evidence that proves Santa is real, and anyone who thinks he isn’t is just living in denial and has a 314% chance of landing themselves on the Naughty List.