What started off as (what I thought of) as beautiful relationship ended most tragically. The thing about dating the bad boy is that you think you can fix them. Believe the sayings, people, no amount of love can fix anyone, except self-love. Yeah, every quote, website, and friend that told you that is right. But we all have to learn for ourselves I guess. Here’s hoping you can learn from me.
Here’s what I learned from dating the hot musician with tattoos and mommy issues, aka the all-consuming ~*~bad boy~*~.
1. You can’t change someone by simply being there for them.
After a drug/alcohol dependency became clear, he repeatedly told me that “he needs me” and he “can’t do it without me.” This isn’t true. He was using me as a scapegoat for his problems and manipulating me to stick around. If someone wants to change, it will be his or her decision to change. Nothing you can do will change them unless they really want it. Supporting someone is of course great, but they don’t need YOU to get over THEIR problems. They will do it on their terms.
2. Family support is everything.
Growing up with great parents, their full support, and a healthy relationship with my family was a great luxury afforded to me. My S.O at the time was not afforded the same luxury. His mother left their family at a young age, and his dad kicked him out at 18. Leaving him on his own emotionally and financially. Having family support might not solve all that life throws at you, but it can really help emotionally. So call up your mom, dad, sister, or cousin and check in with them every once in a while- it could make all the difference.
3. Jealously and obsession aren’t signs of love.
If your S.O needs to be with you constantly/ doesn’t like you to do things without them- it’s not that he’s so in love with you that he cant be without you, it’s that he has some clear cut issues that he’s trading you in for. Checking your texts, Facebook, and Instagram likes is creepy. If your partner makes this seem like a rite of passage, it’s not. It’s actually the opposite, if your partner trusts you, they don’t need reassurance of your love.
4. Getting through the bad makes more space for the good.
If you, like me, were in a bad relationship just imagine how awesome a good relationship will be. If you stayed in a bad relationship that long, there were obvious good things about the person or you wouldn’t have stayed. Imagine, all the good things from the last relationship minus the bad things. Seems unreal- well it’s not. There are actual good people (you probably know them as ‘the nice guys’) who want to love you and treat you like the queen that you are. You now know the warning signs and what you don’t want in a partner, so your next bae will be that much better, hopefully.
5. Everyone makes mistakes; You are still a badass queen.
Life is about living and learning. So what, you picked the bad boy. We are all entitled to a mess up here and there. Think of all the people stuck in relationships that are terrible. You got out of yours and you did so without letting your crown hit the floor. Snaps for you. You are one step closer to meeting your prince charming.