1. I barely take selfies.
These are the only times I will take selfies; when having dyed/cut my own hair, when on a road trip, or when horrendously drunk. My last selfies were with my boyfriend on the sofa, after drinking some Mr. Incredible kinda strength gin and tonics whilst gaming for several hours. It was the sort of drunk in which you haven’t got up for the duration, so therefore cannot tell how truly drunk you are, and I was puke-in-the-kitchen-sink level of drunk. Needless to say, my drunk selfies always get deleted.
Thankfully drunk me doesn’t post them on social media.
2. I have minimal social media.
I don’t have: Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Vine, Flickr or FourSquare. I do have: Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn and Tumblr. I’m not sure if I can truly count Tumblr, as I don’t really know how to use it, and can’t be bothered to try and learn. I tried Snapchat for a little while, but became quickly bored of it. I deleted Facebook as it seemed obsolete compared to Twitter.
3. I don’t know what this “Damn Daniel” thing is.
It keeps popping up in places, yet I have absolutely no idea what it means or who Daniel is, or what unfortunate situation he might be in. Or is it because he is hot? I don’t know.
4. Beyoncé is not my Queen.
Sorry internet, but I don’t see the big hoo-har about Beyoncé. She has a great voice and can dance very well, but she is not my Queen. I don’t think it’s possible for anybody else to replace my two current Queens – Gaga and Britney.
5. I’ve never listened to Frank Ocean.
I also had to look up “Musicians like Drake” to remember his name. Sorry.
6. I’m gluten-free because I have to be.
I don’t eat gluten because it’s trendy not to; I actually cannot eat it because of silly coeliac disease, and I find it terribly baffling when I come across somebody who willingly doesn’t eat it. In fact, I was once out for lunch with a friend and a friend of this friend a few months back. We went to this pizza chain because I knew it had gluten-free options for me. The friend of a friend said she might try a gluten-free pizza, just for the fun of it. I strongly advised her against it – if I was able to eat gluten, I would fucking eat gluten, especially in a pizza place. I changed her mind, probably because of my slightly annoyed tone of voice, and description of what a cardboard gluten-free base is like compared to the soft doughy beauty of a gluten base. I digress.
7. I don’t know any of the cool-kid-lingo.
I don’t know what “On Fleek” means, and I’m guessing that not knowing what it means makes me “Off Fleek”. To be honest, my younger brother has taught me most of what I actually do know about Millennial lingo, and I am okay with that.