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You Can Be A Kind Person And Still Say No

Trying to be everything to everyone is an unhealthy example of kindness, therefore we can’t always be kind to others if it means compromising our boundaries. Being kind and making the right decisions often counteract, but we are not responsible for anybody else’s except ourselves. Putting ourselves first is foremost healthy, not selfish, and being self-focused is often mistaken for being self-centered.

There are people who will take from others, and the more we give to these people, the more they will expect from us. When we suddenly take away from others what we would usually give, because of their codependency, oftentimes these people will try to guilt-trip us or portray us as unkind.

Life is too short to accommodate other people’s desires before our own. I would much rather be admired for my true nature—my integrity, my dignity, my resilience, my modesty, my standards, my ethics, my principles—than to be labeled “kind.” As long as we are true to ourselves, we should be unapologetically us, and not apologize only for somebody else’s comfort. Everything else will gravitate naturally.

We should never allow somebody else to make us feel bad for doing what is best for ourselves. Nobody is worth saving if it means losing ourselves, and avoiding certain people in order to protect our mental health is necessary self-love.

Not everyone is able to appreciate the way that we evolve without them because we leave them so far behind that they can’t cope with their own vulnerability to indecision and uncertainty. The way that they will see you in their heads is very particular to their mind-set, too; they can only flourish at their own capacity.  We should not hold ourselves back because of those unable to move forward independently – those who feel threatened by our growth. There comes a time when all we need to do is focus on our own boundaries.

It is impossible to be likable to everyone, too. Prioritize the people deemed to be authentic in our lives rather than people-pleasing those who aren’t worthy of our loyalty. Doing what was best for everybody else and not myself was merely self-sabotage. I spent so much time trying to please everybody else, and in the end, only I was double-crossed by being someone who I was not.

We do not need to justify our behaviors to someone who is unwilling to accept them regardless of any explanation we may give; it is not our responsibility to please unappeasable people. We are not permitted to over-explaining ourselves when it feels unnecessary, and with that in mind, we need to be disciplined about what we respond or react to so that we aren’t expected to tolerate any more unwanted behaviors. When somebody doesn’t like our boundaries, they may imply that we’re selfish so that we neglect our own desires to accommodate theirs; however, this is a deflection of their own selfishness.

We need to prioritise our own health even when it’s inconvenient for others, which many selfish people do not understand, but if we could clearly explain our boundaries and they are still going to be overstepped or misinterpreted, it is not worth explaining to those who will always find the flaws in our sincerity.

We lose many relationships because we are mismatched to them. This is an indicator that we have grown or changed, that we need to realign new relationships. When we grow, we are no longer content with a life appeasing everyone else but instead we make decisions based on our own lives. Don’t confuse progression with regression—this is a sign you are ready for the next chapter of your life.

Relationships that no longer fit purpose may dissipate, and moving forward can often feel like you’re moving in reverse when a right decision hurts, but this should not hinder your diversion if it is the correct journey for your future self.

Allowing people who emotionally exhaust you back into your life is not being kind.

Doing for others what they could do for themselves is not being kind.

Remaining silent when people are disrespecting you is not being kind.

Saying yes though you are uncomfortable is not being kind.

Taking the blame is not being kind.

Maintaining somebody else’s happiness though you are not responsible is not being kind.

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Sharing my hardships with people who don't want to live through theirs Follow Lauren on Instagram or read more articles from Lauren on Thought Catalog.

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