I am 21 years old and I am a virgin. And I’m completely satisfied with this life choice. I could sit here and spout off that I’ve been a Christian since I was six, and I went through Christian sex ed back in middle school youth group when I was 13, but that’s not why I’ve made that choice. You see when I was in High School I had every intention of having a boyfriend and loosing my virginity and join the hundreds of girls that were around me doing the same thing and having a jolly old time. But to be honest what caused me to make this decision was those same exact people in high school.
I was constantly made fun of in high school for being a virgin as if I was less than because I hadn’t experienced this right of passage. This made me begin to examine what it was that these people gained by having sex outside of marriage. What I expected to find was a sense of emotional maturity and control of human emotion, because that is what people said they gained when justifying their decisions.
But sadly enough what I found below the surface in all of my friends was insecurity, fear and loneliness. If it wasn’t the despair of the girl who was broken hearted by the guy who gave their virginity to, it was the guys who seemed to think sex would make them a man when in reality it turned them callous and insensitive. What was meant to be something done out of love and mutual care for another person, has become something that people abuse.
People have sex because they’re lonely, to try and fix a relationship, to get back at another relationship, to get rid of insecurity, to prove something, to sell something, people have sex for so many different reasons that what it’s intended for. To be completely honest, none of these are good enough reasons for me to have sex. I get that it’s fun and it feels good, but there are a lot of things in this life that are fun and feel good and that in no way is a good reason to do them. And looking back, at those people that had sex in high school for one of the reasons above, none of them found their happy ever after with that first person they had sex with, they just ended up heartbroken, depressed, and cynical to finding love and happiness.
My decision is one of protection from heartache. There are either two different situations I see from having sex outside of marriage; you either become so connected to the person you are sleeping with, that when they eventually leave you are broken much more if you hadn’t slept with them. That or you become so desensitized to the action of sex that it completely loses it meaning and ability to emotionally join two people together. Neither of these options looks great in my head.
I’m waiting for sex because I was that connection, with one person and one person alone. If I’m going to participate in an action that leaves me more vulnerable than anything else, where I’m literally stripped naked in front of another person, I want to make sure that this person has promised not to leave me high and dry.
I want to ensure that they know that I won’t leave either, that I’m in it for the long run. I’m not looking for the perfect first time; I’m looking for a solidified future.
I know it’s hard, trust me I feel it anytime I start to like a guy, believe me I know it’s hard. But to quote my best friend when she’s telling me I need to exercise more and take care of myself, there are things in this life that are hard, but we have to do them because they’re good for us. I’m not saying these things to be judgmental or to prove that I’m better than anyone who has had sex outside of marriage. I say these things because I want to share the protection I’ve found. I don’t want to force anyone to join me; I just want to say it’s there.