1. The floor is surprisingly comfy.
Sobbing on the sofa just didn’t feel dramatic enough, so I slumped my broken-hearted ass onto the floor and remained there for approximately one month. I did some of my best thinking with my cheek stuck against that cheap laminate.
2. Rebounds are brilliant.
The golden rule of being newly single is to not have rebound sex, right? NO, YOU FOOL! Sleep alone in your tear-stained bed or not sleep at all in someone else’s? It’s a no brainer.
3. Things happen for a reason.
I know, I know, it’s a cliché, but a comforting thought all the same. Shit happens, it’s how you move on from it that counts. It’s like if your ex finds out there’s a vicious rumour about his penis size doing the rounds – that was also meant to happen. It’s fate, innit.
4. I have an unexpectedly impressive tolerance for alcohol.
I always thought I was a bit of a loser when it came to drinking, but I’ve since learnt that I’m actually a freakin’ boss at it. Wine, beer, spirits, dirty pints – you name it, my break-up taught me to drink it. An excellent life skill, I’m sure you’ll agree.
5. There are always other guys out there.
There’s plenty of fish (men) in the sea (bars), you just have to go out and find them. Suck it up, flirt with someone else, and reap the benefits of being single. Preach.
6. Batteries have a 100% success rate.
I’m not even going to elaborate on this one. But yeah, 100%. It’s great.
7. I’m much stronger than I thought.
Not physically – I can’t lift one of those industrial sized jars of Nutella high enough to stick my face in it – but my emotional strength surprises me every day.
Who said break-ups were bad?