A Love Letter To My One Night Stand

photography of man and woman resting
Vidar Nordli-Mathisen / Unsplash

I wasn’t the one chasing you. I wasn’t the one who wanted you. I barely remembered your face, your name.

Did it start with an L? See, I can’t even remember.

I was deleting your texts as soon as I was receiving them, I was giving you cold and empty answers, you were making fun of me, answering in the same way to annoy me.  I didn’t want to have any trace of you. I simply didn’t care. I pushed you to sleep with other people. I begged you to find someone else ready to give you the attention you deserved.

I wanted you to forget me, to not get attached, to not pursue me. I wanted to tell you I was not worth it, that I only have one night stands, that I don’t do relationships, that I don’t need anyone. Yet, you didn’t give up. You could have got anyone. Why me? Just to prove that you could destroy me? I just wanted to be left alone, have some drinks with pretty strangers, have some fun, kiss them goodbye in the morning and never see them again. Was I just a bet to you? A bet you really have to win? With who?

Why did it have to be me?

You were not my type. You were not what I was looking for. You weren’t “just a fun one night stand.”

Everything about you was different: the way you held my hand, the way you pushed me against you, the way you made me laugh, the personal questions you asked, the way you kissed me slowly then suddenly fast, like I was something you were already about to lose.

But I lost. Didn’t I? Not you.

You got what you wanted.

You covered it up in something I thought I didn’t want and then was actually you who didn’t.

Everything is happening too quickly, and too soon.

Were you just scared or you just were in for one thing from the beginning? Why did you have to lie about it?

You are all wonderful actors. All the glitter, the fuss, the gold, the lies, the romance, there is no need. When you just want to leave early in the morning, and not texting someone else ever again, just don’t do it.

Leave quietly. Stop lying, stop breaking my heart. Because I am strong, but maybe not enough.

While you were already thinking about how to dump me, I was already thinking about introducing you to my grandparents.

While you were figuring out a way to get back your watch, I was planning a second date.

Crazy how things are different, in people’s heads.

I wasn’t the one, I was the one night stand. Which is what I wanted to be from the beginning, but you made me change my mind. And now you’re gone, your watch is still sitting on my table. No one will ever wear it again, it will only help to remind me how painful yet absurd, love can be. TC mark

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