Have you ever been the “almost” one?
The one believing, truly, with all of your heart the other person is your soulmate, the other piece of the puzzle, the missing part, the end of the circle, the finishing line.
And what you’ve always been, your whole life is the one close, but not close enough to that finishing line. So close, yet so far away.
I’ve been an “almost” since I could remember.
Might have been my lack of coincidence, yes, maybe at the beginning. When I wasn’t sure of myself, when I was lacking the most important thing which is self-love, well it actually made sense being the “almost” one. Because I wasn’t confident enough, but all the other girls were.
Easy. Choosing the most confident one over the chubby insecure kid.
But then you grow up, you discover amazing places like SoulCycle and Barry’s Bootcamp and all those insecurities disappears, you start to learn your body and who you truly are, you develop an attitude and independence, passions, hobbies, curiosity, and freedom. You become who you’re always supposed to become, since day one, it just took you a bit longer than the others.
So why, are you still the almost one?
What went wrong?
There is a blank space that I can’t manage to fill, despite me constantly trying to think about what could have gone wrong in the process.
Should it all have been more painful? Were not enough tears shed for the wrong guys? Is there a specific number you need to reach to stop being the second choice, the almost?
You might confuse a lot of people with the “one” so that can be an answer, you were the “almost” because they were not the right ones.
Okay. All of them? At least they were defined. They were the NO, I kept being the almost.
Is there anything more frustrating?
And you keep looking for answers, you keep working on yourself, harder and harder, fixing every single detail that might be the problem and that you can think of.
So is it really you, the problem? Is it society? Is it the city you live in?
Did you just choose the wrong people?
They never came back. They never thought you were maybe deep down worth a fight, a flight, a car journey, a walk, or even a chance, maybe.
And despite all the efforts you put in: you moved cities, you rent a place which was closer, you figured all the possible ways on how to make it happen, you made plans, you worked hard on it, you choose in the end one, the never-ending nights, the tears, and the efforts, one day, you’ll just see him walking around wearing an engagement ring.
Because now we are not 16 anymore, you’re not only an almost anymore, you’re also the one they are not going to choose to spend the rest of their lives with.
You’re also not marriage material.
Maybe one day I’ll finally figure it all out, maybe I’m not the only one. Maybe we should form a group, meet every Wednesday, drink cocktails together, and discuss the ones who got picked over us.
“Hi, I’m Laura, the first time I realized I was an almost I was in kindergarten and he chose my best friend over me. What is your story?”
Who knows, maybe we’ll end up being the almost best friends club.