I still tell people about you like you’re my everything. As if we still have a chance of coming together as one. As if you could ever have what it takes to step up and fulfill me.
I wonder if this is because I just haven’t experienced this powerful of a connection with someone else, or if it’s because I never will.
Once again, you left abruptly. Your presence came with so many questions and left with so many more.
Why am I willing to even bring you up? Why am I willing to tell our story to every old and new audience? Why do I let myself become so vulnerable to judgment just to share our chaotic state? Why are you worth so much to me, when I am most likely, almost nothing to you?
You have provided me with so little. I saw everything from a brighter light when we reconnected. I saw how deeply self-centered you are, how consuming your ego is, how limited your perceptions have been. But most of all, I saw how you saw me. You shone a light on all my weaknesses yet you shone it just as bright on all my strengths. I want to resent you for this, but I see all the same in you.
Most of all, why am I still willing to accept that you are coming back to me? Why am I even willing to accept you back?
You challenge me, you give me life, you make me want to grow.
You have been in and out of my life for the three years we’ve known each other, significantly more out than in. But yet you have always had this power over me, that has not once flickered.
You’re the only person who has ever touched my soul and the only person that has ever meant this much to me.
I have to write this because I don’t know when or if I will ever get to say this in person to you and I truly do need you, and everyone to know what you’ve meant and what you continue to mean to me.
You are my inspiration for everything, you are the most active member of the back of my mind and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am aware of how crazy I sound in continuing to feel this way. But it has never been and it never will be a choice for me.
You are wasting so much of our time by keeping us apart. I understand you are trying to be reasonable and logical. But you are wrong. You are missing out on what your life should be. I don’t know what it is that you could have possibly accepted as better than us or what it is that you could possibly think will be better than us. I wish so bad that you would accept and appreciate this love with me.
But I also know that whatever it takes to lead you there will be equally powerful enough to keep you there.
I just hope it’s not too late.