I know that sometimes going home for the holidays can be triggering. Seeing old friends, seeing certain family members, being in your hometown can be extremely triggering.
You might be triggered by that certain street where something life changing happened.
It might have been a life changing kiss or truthful moment you spent with someone. That moment when you opened your heart and voiced your insecurities to that friend who has remained in your life for years. That moment on that street where you shared a sloppy kiss on that weeknight when you were supposed to be at home sleeping but you spent it in the arms of someone you had known single kindergarten. These are the moments that are triggered with happiness and nostalgia.
You might be triggered by that certain house where that certain life altering moment happened.
That gut wrenching ache that a certain house brings out in you every single time you somehow drive by it. How sometimes you specifically drive around that house so you don’t see it. So you don’t have to be reminded of that moment that changed you. That moment that you wish you could forget. That moment you repeat in your mind so many times. That moment that you try your hardest to forget. Please remember that that moment does not define you. That house holds no power over your life anymore.
You might be triggered by running into that certain person that you wanted to forget in your small town.
How likely you are to run into those certain people who you wish you could change your relationship with. How when you see them, your mind comes flushing with emotions and memories of the times you spent with them. How you wish you could have changed your relationship with them. How maybe you have finally begun to realize how your life is better off without them.
Please remember that the memories that trigger you do not represent who you are in the current moment.
They do not represent who you are as a person today. You have moved on from the memories that trigger you when you see that certain street, that certain person, that certain person; you have moved on from the as places and people who have hurt you. You have moved on in forgiveness that you hold in your heart, you have moved on from anger, you have moved on from the ache you feel when you see that person’s face. Because you need to understand that even though you are triggered, you can still move forward. You can still forgive those who hurt you. You can still move on from those memories. You can move on from the peoples and places that trigger your past pain.
Please remember that although you are sometimes triggered from the ache of memories in your hometown and in your old house and in your old street, remember that it is okay to feel triggered. It is okay to feel depressed, angry and anxious. You are allowed to feel those feelings. You are allowed to feel not as happy and cheerful as the holidays make us think we should feel. Some days over the holidays you might feel like you are drowning in sorrow, that you are being suffocated by memories of what has happened in the past.
You must understand that those feelings are valid, you are valid and you are deserving of being free from the past memories that hold your heart heavy in these certain days ahead.
You are allowed to want to move on from the things and the places and the people that hurt you. Please forgive yourself for moving on.
Allow yourself to heal.
Allow yourself to take time for yourself to grow and turn into the person who can live with themselves and the mistakes you have made.
Move on from the people you hurt.
Move on from the life you lived before.
Allow yourself to live in the moments you have with your loved ones who have stuck by you.
Try to stay in the moments of happiness and joy and tenderness you feel when you sit with your friends and laugh at nothing over the holidays. Try to stay present in the moments with your mother who holds your hug a little longer than you would like. Try to stay present for the moments when your dad makes you laugh so hard at the silly joke he thinks is a lot funnier than it actually is.
Stay present in the holiday season and do not allow the memories of your past life to overtake the shortened days you have with your loved ones. Take your time to be vulnerable with others and allow them in when you are feeling triggered. The only way to move on from those feelings is to just simply allow yourself to feel them.
Let it out. Talk it out. Write it out. And move on.