21 New Essential Terms For 2014

Flickr / pointnshoot

1. Kalienated – When you find yourself upset or feeling a sense of dread, ill-ease, and existential discomfort with the fever-pitch cacophony of the kale trend in American cuisine.

2. Ellipsosis – The psychosis that occurs in the mind of one person after a textual conversation rife with “…” yet resulting in no actual response from the other person.

3. Broat – A boat full of bros, possibly beer-filled, and/or a bar on a boat wherein bros carouse and jag.

4. Hawk-up – A sexual encounter more awkward than the preamble to any YouTube cover song.

5. Mementos – Mentos that were given to you at a very meaningful or important time, such as: during your college graduation, your friend’s first wedding, or a Jason Derulo concert

6. Podcastatrophic Brain Injury – The inability to remember whether a conversation you had was one within which you were actively participating, or was just something you heard on a podcast. This is most often caused by overuse of podcasts.

7. Americans – A group of human beings who get their information exclusively from ironic news sources, see: The Daily Show, The Onion, The Internet, Fox News.

8. Gross domestic negligence – The refusal to treat a dry cough by any individual in a committed cohabiting relationship.

9. Millennialistic decor – A couch that is also a bed, a desk, and where you eat all of your meals.

10. Mr. Rodgers – A verb that specifically describes the act of changing from your work clothing into your leisure clothing; or more generally, the application of a cardigan to any outfit.

11. Hexed message – A text message that results in a curse being placed on the recipient wherein they turn into a frog, are banished to a tower, or for the rest of their lives have to exclusively consume deep-dish pizza, the “Brazilian World Cup performance” of pizza.

12. Mistakenship – A relationship entered into due to one or more parties’ misunderstanding of the definition of a “one night stand.”

13. Hot meat pancakes – Hamburgers you eat for breakfast.

14. Borous – A porous border; as in, “Things between my roommate and I have been pretty borous since she stopped wearing clothing in the apartment and started eating all my food.”

15. Shake-and-flake: When you make plans with someone in a bar with the tacit understanding that those plans unequivocally will never, ever happen. E.g. “We should get up early tomorrow and go for a run!”

16. Tipsyphus – The person, not unlike a character in a Greek tragedy, damned to being in charge of figuring out the check at every group birthday dinner.

17. Pizza – Surely you are aware of the noun. However, the verb, “to pizza” means to make a poor effort using safe, trite, and banal topics, or generally be lazy; as in “That writer pizza’ed her jokes by constantly talking about pizza.” See also: “to bacon.”

18. Cancelebration – The dance you do when you really, really didn’t want to go somewhere but your friend or friend(s) cancel first.

19. Snatchchat – Lesbian Grindr.

20. Drama – An event, group of events, or metaphysical state of being, exclusively caused by people who constantly articulate their disdain for it.

21. Subtext – The inherent sexual tension within every text message ever sent. Yes, especially to the ones to your mom. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Keep up with Laura Jayne on Twitter

More From Thought Catalog