21 Inspirational Quotations for A**holes

1. “Don’t ever be too afraid to cut the line at a pharmacy.”

2. “Be the change you want to throw at a blind person.”

3. “Believe in yourself and the things you create enough to never flush a public toilet.”

4. “Do one thing every day that scares your shy, gentle, roommate.”

5. “Life moves pretty fast. Make sure to stop and very slowly take a look around in the middle of a busy sidewalk.”

6. “You miss 100% of the Jäger shots you don’t take on the way to an infant’s Baptism.”

7. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, or even touched, until you buy them a drink—unless they’re stuck up or gay.”

8.“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one that required me to cut off four lanes of traffic.”

9. “Never judge a book by its cover. Save all your judgment for people’s weight, hairstyles, and outfits.”

10. “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined while you were ignoring people who were talking to you about not-you.”

11. “The best measure of a man’s heart is taken from a really expensive tailor he found in a men’s lifestyle magazine.”

12. “It is never too late to be what you might have been especially if what you might have been is someone who constantly complains about what they might have been.”

13. “Life is 10% what happens to you, 10% of how you react to it, and 80% of taking credit for a subordinate’s work.”

14. “What lies behind you, and what lies before you, are tiny matters compared to what lies in a shallow grave near your summer home.”

15.“What doesn’t kill you might kill others, but don’t let that ruin your New Year’s Eve, St. Patty’s Day, or Halloween.”

16. “When God closes a door, he opens a window so you can blast “Raise Your Glass” out of it at 2 a.m. on a weeknight.”

17. “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up and works for a House Subcommittee that defunds art programs.”

18. “Remember no one can make you feel inferior if you correct their grammar loudly in a social setting.”

19. “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though you are a miracle.”

20. “Never lose your cell phone while trying to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about your cell phone.”

21. “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you should attempt to bring an enormous double stroller onto the subway during rush hour.”