I don’t use pick-up lines, unless you count times when I am within the walls of a pizzeria. I have exactly zero game. However, I am a big fan of ‘90s R&B and gay women. I thought I would combine my interests to offer gay and non-gay readers some choices for their next romantic encounter. Please enjoy these pick-up lines for gay girls in the mode of R. Kelly lyrics.
1. “Orange is a step back/girl, YOU are the new black/Just listen to this remix/I want you instantly like Netflix.”
2. “Will you be my date to the folk festival?/Your haircut’s asymmetrical/Girl, I find it sexual!”
3. “You look like a model/Wanna help me remodel?/Then maybe we can cautiously pop a bottle?/It’s the remix to the kitchen/Marble in mint condition/C’mon roll in that dolly/’Bout to do me some switchin’.”
4. “Are you busy tonight?/Or are you just on Gchat with a red light?/ Idle makes me miserable/Girl, let’s go invisible/It’s not just biophysical/Your words make you more kissable /I want us indivisible.”
5. “We can listen to Tegan and Sara/in the back of my Cadillac Catera.”
6. “When I saw your account on okcupid,/ I was like, ‘OKAY! CUPID! Boy, I’m not stupid!’/ I’ve concluded that we’re well-suited/Let me get you alone, in a place that’s secluded/ Our profiles are matches./Now come get on this mattress.”
7. “You have just one question to answer for/Can I be your gay female Macklemore?/Girl, I don’t mind if you cry on Sunday/ If you don’t mind getting down with THIS gay. “
8. “Girl, don’t listen when they say/that ‘you’re too pretty to be gay’/ You’re too pretty to be real/and they’re too stupid for me to deal/Stereotypes are gross/I’m a stereo type, I like dos/Let’s put our two selves together/Are you down for whatever?
9. “I’m not fully into butch or femme/But if you are, I’ll get with them/Did you fall from gay heaven?/ Will you take me there again?”
10. “Can I buy you a drink?/I’m more normal than you think!/In reality, I have a decent personality/and I’m really into same-sexuality.”
11. “Now that DOMA’s repealed/Let’s make a deal/Do you want to get Maryed? /Oh by the way, my name’s Mary.”
12. “Do you like apples?/Well I like apples too./ Let’s go applepicking sometime/Applepick the whole day through!/Those bitches are deciduous/Girl, let’s get ridiculous!”
13. “I think when we met there were crossed-stars/Do you happen to know anything about cars?/Don’t panic/I don’t think every lesbian is a mechanic/But I just got home after a long-ass expedition/My car broke down couldn’t remix the ignition.”
14. “I like girls like Indigo/I like you and you should know.”
15. “Would you call yourself a feminist?/Do you want to get with this?/Baby you should hear me/speak on gender theory.”
16. “I believe you can fly. I believe you can touch the sky/Because I’ve seen your passport/Do you need an escort?”
17. “Girl, in my pants you create fires/when you talk about Pretty Little Liars.”
18. “Just because you’re a dyke/I won’t assume you like to hike/But want to do it outside?/You don’t even have to hide/Girl, I already know a priori/that it’d be a great coming out story!
19. “I want the government out of my bedroom/but, giiiiiiirl, you’re welcome anytime.”
20. “Damn, you look hot in that sweater/I guess you were what they meant by ‘It gets better’/You are a super fine LGBT/Do you want to have sex with me?”