25 Suggestions For The New Orange
By Thoughtis
1. Red.
2. Yellow.
3. A leftover third-place medal from an Iron Woman competition that was stripped from a competitor after it was revealed that she was composed of mostly non-ferrous scrap material.
4. Green.
5. Purple.
6. A Manila envelope.
7. Plaid.
8. A piece of fruit with a straw in it.
9. Stripes.
10. A television show about former inmates of a federal prison who now run Newark, New Jersey’s hottest nightclub, “The Asylum.”
11. Mauve.
12. A television show about a fish out of water. Spoiler alert: The fish dies. But it’s not what you think! (He asphyxiates.)
13. Taupe.
14. A plastic cone that was acting as a goal post in a small-sided scrimmage before it was stolen from a travel soccer league called, “The East Coast Elite.”
15. Polka dots.
16. United Nations Blue.
17. A drink for children, and odd adults, containing zero percent juice.
18. Five-hundred pennies.
19. Magenta.
20. Half a bottle of sunless tanner.
21. The bottom of an Irish flag.
22. Whatever’s left over from the Bush-era Threat Levels.
23. Peach.
24. A certain unit of geographical subdivision of a certain West Coast state that contains several married women with an incredibly loose definition of the word “reality.”
25.The Old Black.