1. Everybody’s Just Not Really Sure How They Feel About Raymond
“He’s a good guy, but is he a great guy? Also, he lives on Long Island and I think he’s married.”
2. Unmarried Without Children
Just episodes of the show GIRLS happening around Ed O’Neill in a recliner.
3. FRIENDS (with benefits)
Two guys live in a shit hole apartment that totally believably is in the same building as a gorgeous pre-war gut-renovated 2 bedroom—through an architectural miracle called television. The guys remain friends with the one guy’s whiny college roommate, so they can hook up with his sister and her friends. Nobody has a job most of the time, except the one guy who might work in finance or something; it’s too boring to remember exactly. Also, everyone dresses like it’s the 1990s.
4. Saved By The Bell On My Bicycle
“I almost got doored by some asshole. Yeah, drivers are crazy out there; stay alert. You really gotta make Mr. Bell ding!”
5. Frasier’s Tenants Subletting His Old Place in Boston
“Baby, I hear the blues-a calling tossed salad and scrambled eggs. But that’s like a week’s worth of groceries, so maybe the blues will be okay with sharing these cocktail garnishes from my work.”
6. 30 Is Too Old To Rock
“If I’m still single and in a bar at that age, kill me.”
7. Brunch and Reservations
“OMG This line is so long. We are going to be here forever. Tell my family I loved them and I almost got to eat bacon once. Why won’t they seat us without our entire party? Do they think we’re just fucking with them about the size of our party? Are they afraid we’re trying to dine with ghosts? I can smell the bacon. Bacon is my second favorite food after waffles… made out of bacon. We have been waiting on this sidewalk for so long. I remember my birth and then I’m pretty sure that the rest of my life has just taken place in this brunch line. Don’t they ever take reservations?!”
“Ugh, I know too many people in this bar! I just want to go someplace where nobody knows my name.”
9. Fresh Prints and Bad Hair
“Fashion is relative—like a distant relative from Philadelphia that enters your life as a surprise and costs you a lot of money. By the time it’s all over, you’re very annoyed, and the woman you live with feels like a completely different person.”
10. Roseanne Is Always On During The Day, Thank God.
A show about the underemployed and what they watch during long afternoons to feel better about their lives until the next outdoor concert.