My favorite television show is one of the biggest hits in the history of premium cable. It is about a very particular character. They can be somewhat megalomaniacal, but also sometimes they’re just fun. They make an inordinate amount of puns and never stop reinventing themselves from season to season. They have friends, but those friends aren’t really their friends and, sometimes, they can even be their enemies.
More than that, they are pretty particular about their appearance to the outside world. They have a singular incessant need that won’t stop clawing out from inside them — no matter how hard they try to tell themselves they don’t want that precise thing. They are always dating the wrong people and have a pretty complicated relationship with the city they call “home.” Most of all they never, ever stop talking about themselves.
Or maybe I have two favorites? They share so many similarities it’s hard to tell sometimes. Or maybe they don’t. Maybe one is about an insane person with terrible values who is unable to sustain meaningful relationships and the other is about a serial killer? Like most problems in life, there is only one way to settle this question: a television dialogue quiz!
It’s time to play Dexter or Sex and the City?
1. “Tonight’s the night.”
2. “Are you slowly trying to kill me on the way to lunch?”
3. “When some elements come together they make a reaction that transcends chemistry. Is this what loves feels like?”
4. “Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.”
5. “Just get me a really big closet.”
6. “This man is a knight in shining armor. You should be polishing his lance. I meant that metaphorically — not how it sounded.”
7. “After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and reboot.”
8. “I suppose I should be upset, even feel violated, but I’m not. No, in fact, I think this is a friendly message, like ‘Hey, wanna play?’ and yes I want to play. I really, really do.”
9. “I curse the day you were born!”
10. “I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask, not just me.”
11. “Worst comes to worst, I’ll say there was a death or something.”
12. “I could be on death row and not have that situation.”
13. “Everyone needs a vacation. In my case it’s time off… for bad behavior.”
14. “I always prided myself on being an outsider… but now… I feel the need to connect with someone.”
15. “Soulmates: reality or torture device?”
16. “And when he’s driving, I feel alive, half sick with the thrill of complete wrongness. I don’t fight him, I don’t want to. He’s all I’ve got.”
17. “There’s one room that forces the question: how long do we want it to be just the two of us?”
18. “You are not allowed to talk about anyone I date as long as you’re seeing little miss ‘pardon my tits.’”
19. “The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into and sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself.”
20. “It’s amazing. In a courtroom, reasonable doubt can get you off for murder.”