In a lot of ways, I’m an adult. My Netflix queue, wardrobe and the As seen on TV Slushy Magic kit sitting on my desk might argue otherwise, but it’s a fact. I am a bona fide grown-up. Try not to be too impressed. I own several matching sets of salt-and-pepper shakers, I can rent a car basically everywhere, and I’ve considered buying a briefcase several times. There’s one small problem: I still say “awesome.”
It’s more than disconcerting. There is just no reason for it. I have a robust personal vocabulary that is resplendent with adjectives. Yet, “awesome” persists.
Sure, having a youthful outlook is great and I don’t really have a lifestyle that prohibits me from saying “awesome.” Still, I think it’s time to exchange it for a new go-to word. I need something for when I think something very positive has happened or will happen to me, or others. This will additionally be deployed when I encounter something I believe to be the very best of its kind.
Maybe this isn’t an age thing at all. There are certainly tons of people in the world who are much more adult than me. These are people with things like wine cellars, classical music, and work Blackberries, who use the word “awesome” skillfully — and yes, I’m as troubled as you that apparently I think the epitome of adulthood is Frasier Crane.
Saying “awesome” — like riding a unicycle, beating up the beat, or marrying a man — is fine, just not appropriate for my personality. It’s a habit that I have no memory of forming or no reason to form, or anyway that’s what I told people after that incredibly strange eulogy. Maybe I’m just too positive. Or more accurately, maybe I’m so negative and cynical that when something even remotely good happens, I am blown away, deem it a miracle, and describe it thusly. Either way, the one thing I’ve realized is for me, someone who is not a cast member of California Dreams — saying “awesome” isn’t awesome.
Here now, is my search so far, for a replacement for “awesome” in my personal vocabulary. Suggestions welcome
Too toned down to express real emotion:
Too Tony Toni Tone:
Too flamboyant to describe things that happen every day:
Too flamboyant to describe anything but a diva’s ensemble or a diet snack cookie:
Too Downton Abbey:
Not Downton Abbey enough:
Terms/idioms that I cannot use because they’re too trite:
The cat’s pajamas
The cat’s meow
Out of this world
Terms/idioms that I cannot use because they do not exist:
The dog’s sweatpants
The dog’s infuriating whine
Into those dimensions
Yay, it’s just like something from the 60s, 70s, 80s, or 90s!
Words that sound like I am exclusively describing a penis:
Too heavily associated with Princess Bride:
Too confusing but real:
Less confusing but fake: