7 Signs You’re Way Too Into Astrology

1. You attribute everyone’s actions to their birthday.

“Of course she’s going to snap at me—she’s an Aries.”

“I thought maybe he was gay, but I realized he only dresses that well because he’s a Libra.”

“I was kind of hurt when my boss laughed at me but then I remembered: She’s a Virgo.”

Whether you’re making an excuse for that person or simply trying to find reasons for your lack of chemistry with them, your habit of associating each individual with a series of astrology-based characteristics is clearly out of hand and you are no longer capable of seeing a person for who they are; rather, you find cause for their actions in the month, day, and hour they slid out of their mother’s womb.

2. You use it as an excuse for your own actions.

There’s someone crying in the room—”EVERYONE MOVE ASIDE, I’M A CANCER, I GOT THIS. I can do what no one else can! Where are my other water signs at? What are you, a Gemini? F*** off, you can’t help in this situation.”

3. It’s interfering with your love life.

You might meet the perfect guy. He’s incredible, suave, successful, and driven—an all-around great guy with talent to spare and an evident devotion to you. He’s everything you’ve been waiting for, and the butterflies won’t cease. But you begin to speculate whether you two are compatible. His Facebook is long gone (so you can’t acquire his birthdate), and you have no way of knowing whether the stars are in your favor. Alas, one night over dinner, he reveals the worst of news: He’s a Scorpio. You have to call it off. You’re an Aquarius on the lookout for another air sign—it would never work out.

As you drive home alone, you remain convinced that this was a totally logical and sound decision. Your somber eyes meet the dark skies and you ask the universe, “Why can’t you just throw a Libra my way?” It’s all too much to handle.

4. You use it as an indicator of what you should do.

If you’re actually basing real-life decisions on what is expected of your sign, you are in too deep. “I’m tempted to go out tonight and see my friends, but, damn, I’m a Capricorn. I need to keep up with my moody independence. I need to stay true to myself.”

5. It becomes a conversation-starter.

Or should I say “conversation-ender”? You used to try and be slick about incorporating one’s sun and moon sign into your everyday dialogues, but now it’s merely a form of introduction. You may be all of two minutes into a promising tête-à-tête before you stop your newfound acquaintance abruptly and say, “I’m sorry—when were you born?” When they answer with “1991,” you become all too frustrated. “No, like what month? LATE OCTOBER OR EARLY OCTOBER?! Oh, OK, that’s cool.”

6. It’s expected of you.

Your friends roll their eyes when you attribute your weirdly uncontrollable sexuality to the fact that you’re an Aries. They beg you to not bring up www.soulmatestars.com at the party you’re all attending, but they also go to you for your advice, guidance, and opinions on whether or not they’re compatible with the guy they’re into. Sometimes your friends make fun of you by testing your knowledge on the subject matter, but you don’t quite pick up on it because your head is in another planet (pun intended).

7. You have no sense of self.

You’ve started to include “Hardworking Taurus” on your résumés and are completely absorbed in who you and everyone else should be given the countless books you own that list a series of vague qualities next to an interval of time. It’s all fun and games until you guess someone’s sign incorrectly and realize that you don’t have all the power after all. Your entire foundation crumbles and you question your decision to dress as a lion for the third Halloween in a row. (“Get it? ‘Cause I’m a Leo?”) Perhaps it’s time to find a new hobby.