1. Get over your ex because your friends are sick of hearing about them.
There are only so many nights in a month that can be dedicated to moping about what could have been with whatstheirface. Your friends are still with you– your ex is not. Don’t risk losing them, too.
2. Get over your ex because they kind of sucked.
They really didn’t like hanging out with your family playing Yahtzee on Saturday night or getting up extra early to drop your dog off at the vet or letting you eat the last slice of pizza and you deserve someone who is happy to do all those things (or pretends to be at least).
3. Get over your ex because they are weighing you down.
The space they still occupy in your heart is too large. It’s like they are living inside your brain and draining you of your positive headspace. Go Settlers of Catan on them and trade them for a more valuable asset that will help harvest your land.
4. Get over your ex because they weren’t right for you.
Take solace in knowing that if they were, you would be together. Things change, people change and now you need to change, too. Once you let go of the crappy past you make room for a better future.
5. Get over your ex because they didn’t find 30 Rock funny.
Whoever doesn’t find Tracy Jordan hilarious is void of a personality.
6. Get over your ex because stalking them on social media is eating up all your data.
And you really can’t afford to upgrade your phone plan. You’ve already drunkenly dropped your iPhone in the toilet once while lurking them and had to use your bat mitzvah savings to replace it. Your ex is costing you money.
7. Get over your ex because they are getting over you.
They’ve moved on and are dating and kissing strangers and are slowly forgetting what it’s like to date and kiss you. They don’t go to bed thinking about you anymore, and so far they haven’t died in their sleep.
8. Get over your ex because no one wants to date someone who is caught up on someone else.
It’s really hard to sit through dinner with someone who won’t stop talking about “the one who got away” or relating all conversation back to his or her last love. No amount of alcohol will ever make that attractive.
9. Get over your ex because there are literally billions of other people besides them.
Even though you may think they’re the best thing since Nutella-filled doughnuts, chances are they’re not. There are many other people who are funnier, kinder and better looking than your ex that you haven’t even met yet. GO OUTSIDE!!!
10. Get over your ex because holding onto them is making you sad.
Replaying memories, reading past messages and sifting through old photographs rarely makes anyone happy. The Dalai Lama never said, In order to find happiness, one must continually do things that make them feel sad. Instead, he said, Happiness is found when one actively unfollows and unfriends those of the past – or something along those lines.
11. Get over your ex because “casually” strolling through their neighborhood on a Saturday morning isn’t cute.
It’s creepy. You’re one walk away from having their suspicious neighbour call the cops on you. The last thing you need is a criminal record to accompany your broken heart.
12. Get over your ex because you know that you’re going to be fine without them.
You deserve to be fine without them. In fact, you’re already fine without them now.