I have accepted the fact that I cannot erase you. I am at peace with this reality.
Sometimes you cross my mind. Like the other night in a restaurant bathroom. I thought of your hands, the way your hair felt between my fingers, and the scent you always wore.
I cried, but not for long — only for a second.
I reminded myself of a beautiful face I have come to know.
One that stares back at me with the purest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Every time I look into them, I feel as though I’m staring into the ocean and that makes me feel free, yet also secure.
The small lines that trace the corners of those eyes show me that I am looking into the soul of someone who has seen things I will never know nor understand. The feeling that rushes through my body when I open my eyes in the morning and see that sleepy smile makes me the happiest I’ve felt in a long time.
When I used to look at you, I didn’t feel safe. My mind wandered and thought of the worst possible scenarios.
But those ocean eyes get me every time. I am safe and I have no worries.
When I am weak, his embrace strengthens me. His words build me up while yours tore me down.
Yes, I still think of you. Sometimes I still even talk about you, but slowly I forget you and you become just a shear moment in time.
I am thankful for us because I learned what love is and what love is not.
I have learned what we deserve and that is happiness. I believe we both have found that. I hate that I still must write about you, but I know it is just because you are a piece of me and you always will be. You are the piece of me that shows me how much I am capable of, how much pain I can overcome, and how much love I can give. Every day that passes, I let go more and more. You slip away and I become the person I was meant to be without you.
I am blessed to have been given the chance to feel what this new love is like. It is honest, faithful, vibrant and lasting. Everything I ever dreamed of that I never thought I would get to experience is right in front of me.
I no longer wear shackles on my feet. I no longer ache from insecurity. I no longer question my worth.
I am standing beside him. He is like the ocean. Immense. Mysterious. Steady. Strong. A fierce and powerful spirit that is still calm and patient.
And I am open, letting the tide rush over me.