Maybe it’s the reason that I just ended “something” with a guy who flat out lied to me, but lately my perception of today’s dating scene is quite skewed. I mean I can’t really argue that it’s only really skewed because I’ve been spending half my time on Tinder these past few months.
It seems many discussions today seem to revolve around those “quality” people you meet off of Tinder. How every single person is looking to just have a one night fling or a casual relationship. Although I used Tinder for a while, I never really came across these types of people. I usually have a good sense of character and can tell immediately when someone is trying to f*ck me over. However, I have heard countless stories of those famous Tinder types and that is the inspiration for this article.
You might be thinking to yourself, PLEASE do not write another redundant Tinder article. I thought about it long and hard. I mean what else could I bring to the table that hasn’t been discussed. And then it came to me. Why even look towards Tinder as the issue of today’s hookup culture? Why not take it a step further?
And so I did. Today, I made a fake account on Ashley Madison.
If you don’t know what Ashley Madison is, you don’t really have to know much besides that it is the leading online website for married dating, but most specifically extramarital affairs. I’d heard about the website before briefly, but it really only dawned on me today when I was searching for games resembling “Clash of the Clans” on my App store. The minute I saw it I thought to myself, “Forget about Tinder, THIS is the problem with today’s hookup culture.” Marriage is no longer sacred or valued, so why would our generation even consider long-term relationships? Social media has caused us to ignore those we love right in front of us and replace them with an instant gratifying right swipe or wink ;). So with that thought in mind, I made a fake profile.
Before I continue this article, I should point out that I didn’t do this because I’m mad at an ex-boyfriend or anything. In fact, if I had the time (which I certainly do not) I would have created a fake male account and picked up married women as well. Yet because I am a woman and let’s face it, most of the site’s members are male, I decided to create a fake female account instead.
I hate to admit that I’ve been on plenty of dating sites in the past, but I have. But nothing compares to this one. First off, it asks all members to enter how much they weigh. That is not an optional criteria. You literally have to choose your weight. I guess I never got the memo that weight mattered when you’re cheating on someone, but that’s good to know. So I entered the weight I’ve been lying about since I was 21 or so (my weight constantly fluctuates so on average, I am that weight anyways).
Next step was choosing what I was looking for. I thought about it for a good hard second and determined that if I was going to do something as crazy as this, I should probably go all the way. So I decided to act as a 28 year old, high school teacher named Ashleigh who was interesting in meeting married men. Let me tell you: if you ever want your inbox to be flooded in approximately thirty minutes of creating a profile on an adultery site, be Ashleigh. She’s a cheating married man’s fantasy.
So I took a few minutes speaking to several men. Some were single and interested in what I was looking for. But I knew exactly what I was here for and I found him. Oh boy, did I find him.
He originally messaged me under the alias “J-birdx” but quickly introduced himself as Justin. When he told me that he needed to get out of the every day routine of his marriage and feel special again, I knew he would be perfect. After chatting for a bit on the worst website ever created, he asked to chat somewhere else. Immediately, I messaged my friend on Facebook who was aware of my genius plan, and asked what I should do. I eventually decided to create a fake Snapchat account and asked him to add me there, so that his wife wouldn’t see the messages. He agreed and we proceeded to commence our lengthy and intense discussion.
Now I will spare you all the nitty, gritty details. However, there are a few key moments throughout our discussion that made me literally want to throw my phone at the wall. Not only did this f*cker have a wife and wanted to cheat on her, but he had children too. I was speechless and couldn’t even respond for ten minutes. He then asked me if that was a turn off and I could not believe this was happening. I asked him what would happen if his wife ever found out about us, to which he replied, “Divorce ;P.” Other conversations led to discussing how he still sleeps in the same bed as his wife, and how he is an “old school gentleman” who knows how to treat a lady right. And let’s not forget the part where he asked if he would be just another number or someone I treated special.
The conversation continued for a few hours until I told him I had to get to bed. And that was that. In the matter of one evening, I got this guy to expose all his dirty, nasty secrets and fantasies. I even got him to send naked selfies of his butt, all while his wife and child or children stood in the next room. After saying our goodbyes, I thought about what had just happened. This guy had been married for only five years. I wondered what had made him this way? Was his wife abusive? Were there financial problems? Had he married too young? Then I came to the conclusion that it didn’t matter. There are several people out there like this and I’m not even that surprised.
Due to this digital age, our real lives have become too complicated to deal with. Whether we are single or in a long-term relationship, many of us seek to find instant validation or gratification from others through any means possible. Many of us turn to Tinder or OkCupid, and many of us end up looking for secrecy through Ashley Madison.
Do not get me wrong, I am not validating this guy’s behavior and intentions; however, this is the cruel fate of today’s hookup culture. Yes, love and life are difficult to balance, but no one said it was easy. There is no such thing as easy, because eventually things get messy and complicated. We need to stop living in a fantasy world and begin to acknowledge those standing in front of us.