14 Signs You May Be Dating A Cactus

Zoe Shuttleworth
Zoe Shuttleworth
  1. You have never had an actual conversation with your boyfriend.
  2. You’re not even sure where your boyfriend’s mouth is.
  3. Now that you think about it, there’s not really any part of your boyfriend that looks recognizably human.
  4. If you squint, you can sort of imagine that your boyfriend has arms, but the illusion doesn’t last because
  5. Your boyfriend is green.
  6. Your boyfriend lives in the same kind of pot that usually houses plantlife.
  7. You have never been physically intimate with your boyfriend because he is covered in needles, not because (as you first suspected) he wanted to take it slow.
  8. God, you were fantasizing about spending the rest of your life with this cactus.
  9. You are probably so much more invested in this relationship than your boyfriend is.
  10. You feel betrayed, even though your boyfriend is a cactus and is physically incapable of betraying anyone.
  11. The tears start rolling down your face as you explain the situation to your boyfriend. You just can’t be in a relationship with someone who is a cactus and has literally no way of reciprocating any feelings you might have for him.
  12. Your boyfriend handles the breakup extremely well.
  13. You see him around sometimes, and you feel the same twinge you always felt when you were near him. But then you remind yourself: That is the needle of a cactus stabbing into my hand, not an emotional connection with a living being.
  14. It was for the best that you broke up with him, you tell yourself. Maybe if you say it enough you’ll start to believe it. It was for the best. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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