We can never really understand love. It comes as a struggle – a constant burden and an unending battle. And then it vanishes like thin air, without warning nor reason.
I think this is why people are too guarded against love. Love scares us. It’s always like a clouded sky. It’s uncertain, baffling, and sometimes it’s really really unfair.
“Why didn’t it work out?”
“Don’t I also deserve to be loved? Meh, I’ll be fine alone.”
“Will I ever find the one that’s right for me?”
We constantly ask these questions. Sometimes it gets tiring. It takes up all of our energy and effort which in turn makes us feel that giving up is the only option.
“I think I’ll never find it. Might as well give up. I’ll be okay anyway.”
But I think, love can never be outgrown. It will always be a part of us. No matter how much we resist LOVE, it will always come, just not instantly.
I remember feeling firm about my beliefs in love. I told myself, “I think I’m good with being alone. I am free to do anything. I won’t be held down by commitments nor responsibilities”. But then sometimes, I see how couples smile at each other and do things for one another. In those moments I suddenly become engrossed with the fact that I need LOVE. So I try. I really really try, only to end up failing again at love.
That’s why love comes with hesitations. While there is a constant urge to hold out both hands, a force will always pull them back. Maybe it’s the battle between the caring heart and the stubborn mind, but that’s just it, there will always be that DOUBT. The doubt that makes love impossible.
So I pray –
That someday, love will come and wash away every uncertainty and hesitation in my soul.
I pray –
That I will be able to love fully, with the person that is meant to be my other half.
I pray –
That I will be able to see what love is all about, before it’s too late.