True Sex: I Have A Spanking Fetish

As part of an ongoing Thought Catalog After Dark series, we will endeavor to bring you the True Sex tales of everyday individuals. For this installment we asked Alexis, a medical professional in her mid-30s, about her experiences in the spanko lifestyle. If you would like to share your real experiences, email

Tell us a little about your early life and upbringing, and how you came to be a spanko.

I had a pretty normal childhood, no spanking except maybe once or twice. I can’t really remember when I started thinking about spanking, but it was early in my life (as well as thoughts about being controlled). Like I said, I had a normal childhood, no unusual events or trauma. I proceeded to get married and have a pretty regular life. Being bored one day, I decided to google ‘spanking’ and I came across a popular spanking-themed website. Intrigued, I watched several videos and, well, I was hooked. After watching for several months I decided that it was something I needed to try and needless to say there was no going back after that lol!!

What did you do once you found the site? How did you go from basically being a voyeur to being a participant?

I watched for a while, not really thinking about participating, and then I saw the videos of a guy who had an email address posted saying if you wanted a spanking to contact him. I emailed to compliment him on the videos I liked, still not really thinking about doing anything. After some chatting back and forth I decided that my interest was strong enough that I wanted to try it out.

What about him made you want to try it? How did things proceed after you told him you wanted to?

His videos drew me in because they seemed real. The lecture, the spanking, the intensity…I could tell by the reactions of the person being spanked (the spankee) and by the spanker’s demeanor that these were not acting, they were real spankings for real reasons. That’s what I wanted: a real spanking with no escape. After we both agreed that I needed to be spanked, we set up a meeting in a public area so we could get to know each other. After deciding that he was sincere, I agreed to meet him for my very first spanking.

Was there a reason you were seeking that kind of severity? How did that first meeting go?

I wanted to make some changes in my life and felt like I might be motivated by physical punishments since I did not have any other way of motivating myself. I do enjoy play spanking but I prefer a real scenario most of the time. For my first meeting I was nervous about whether or not I would be able to handle it since I knew there was no safe word with him. I ended up getting exactly what I had imagined, which was a spanking that hurt and made me want to get out of it as soon as it started. He agreed to monitor the behaviors I wanted to change, and from that point forward there would be a spanking whenever I failed in my efforts.

Tell us about how your spanking relationship developed from there.

I would meet him whenever he was in town and there would be a punishment most of the time, due to the fact that my negative behaviors were deeply ingrained. We talked and emailed when he was away, and I ended up with not just a disciplinarian but also a very good friend. I still see him regularly, and although I’ve since fixed my behaviors he has no problem finding a reason to pull me over his knee, because spanking is the waltz that we dance so well.

For those that have no knowledge of that lifestyle, please describe a typical spanking session – in as much detail as you find comfortable.

A typical punishment session would start with me arriving, and after we have lunch and we are done chatting and catching up on what each other has been up to he gets down to business. His demeanor shifts and his voice lowers. He asks if I know why I’m being punished and I reply ‘Yes Sir.’ He will then choose selected implements from his bag, either a paddle, a strap, a rod, or some combination of implements that I find most frightening. He then instructs me to either get over his knee or lay over the bed depending on what he will be using. He delivers the spanking, sometimes asking questions in between and sometimes not. After he is done he will sometimes make me stand in the corner for a while. After I have apologized for my misbehavior, he will hug me and let me know that all is forgiven. I don’t always cry but if I do he comforts me. There are never any bad feelings because we are both consenting adults in this lifestyle and I know him well enough to trust that he will deliver a punishment without causing me any real harm. Nothing is ever forced and we will continue the relationship as long as we are both enjoying it.

For those who might find a D/s relationship between adults odd or off-putting, will you expound on what you have gotten out of your relationship, and how it has affected your life as a whole?

I lived without it for most of my life so I can definitely see it from both sides. I understand how it might seem strange to someone who has never tried it but you have to look at it like anything else, such as trying a new food or hobby. You don’t know if you’ll like it unless you try. It requires a great amount of trust and it can bond two people closer together when they allow themselves to let their partner in on their innermost feelings or needs. It has given me confidence knowing that someone cares enough to give correction. It has given me a feeling of security knowing that no matter what else happens, I can count on his friendship. It never gets boring because every session is different. I wonder what he will say, what he will use. It is a great feeling to hand control to someone else. It is very freeing and a good spanking is an excellent way to relieve stress. If you lead a busy life or you feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of your job or decision making in your personal life, it can be very rewarding to hand the control over to someone else even if only for a few hours. For that time you can just let go. You clear your mind of life’s problems and responsibilities and you have no decisions to make. You can either have a fun session and laugh or you can cry and let the emotion out. It may not be for everyone but it certainly works for me.

Have you ever participated in spanking play with an audience (e.g. at a “dungeon”), and if so would you describe the experience?

Yes, over the years my interests have evolved to include more than spanking. The dungeon is a unique experience. It allows others to watch our dynamic, and being an exhibitionist (as I have discovered) is intensely thrilling for me. Sometimes people will come up to us afterwards and tell us they enjoyed our scene, which gives us a good feeling. We will generally engage in whip play, but I have had over the knee spankings there as well. It adds to the fun knowing that other people are enjoying our scene at the same time we are. I also get to watch other scenes, which is fun too. The only drawback is I need a lot of recovery time after a dungeon trip as we tend to play heavily and a lot. There is no photography allowed so it is a safe environment to play without worrying about images getting out. Most of us need to keep a low profile due to our family or job so it works out nicely to be able to let others share our experience without the added worry.

You have added amazing perspective on this topic Alexis, thank you for contributing to our series. Any final thoughts…what does the future hold for you in the spanko lifestyle?

Thank you very much – it is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. My dream is to be married with the D/s dynamic as a permanent part of my life. Whether or not that will happen remains to be seen, but until then I will continue to enjoy being a spanko and having fun adventures with the friends I have made in the scene. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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